Home for the Holidays
by Acid Rain
Summary: Hero Universe. The Orphanage Gang reunites for Yule and Seifer tries to get along. Contains foul language, yaoi, and much holiday stress. Pairings: Squall/Seifer, Irvine/Selphie, hints of Quistis/Zell.
1. Chapter 1

**Home for the Holidays**

_All Characters borrowed without permission from SquareSoft will be returned, only slightly traumatized, upon request. Written for love, not profit._

'_Hero' Universe. Warnings: Yaoi, foul language, and Holiday Stress_

_For Darksquall. Sorry this took so long._

**Chapter One**

_*_

Squall covered the mic portion of the phone with his hand. "How do you feel about spending Yule with Selphie and the gang?"

"The gang being Irvine and their kid or everyone?"

"Sounds like everyone."

I thought about it. "Is my other choice being boiled in snail slime?"

Squall turned back to the phone. "Seifer can't wait."

"Give me that!" I lunged for the phone but I could already tell it was too late. I could hear squeals of joy long before I got the receiver in the vicinity of my head. I shot my lover a venomous look, but he just shrugged.

I can't really lay all the blame on Squall; he'd been trying every variation of 'no' for at least twenty minutes. The problem being, in Tilmit-speak, 'no' means 'yes', and 'hell no' means 'I'd love to'. "Selphie," I said, "we can't make it. We have plans."

"Spending the day in bed doesn't count as plans, Seifer."

Damn, there went my present for Squall.

She continued merrily, "No one should be alone at Yule! And what about your birthday?"

"Selph," I said, thinking fast, "let me talk to Irv." I'd just tell _him_ no, and let Irvine explain it to Selphie. He's the one who married her, after all. I wondered briefly if Kinneas had meant to do that, or if that was just another time Selphie wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. I spared a moment to feel a bit sorry for him, and their son, Trabian, too.

"Seifer," Irvine's golden voice purred over the line. "Thanks for talking Squall into this, it means a lot to us to have the whole Orphanage Gang together for Trabian's first Yule."

Holy halfassed Hyne in a handbag. I hoped 'the whole Orphanage Gang' didn't include Cid and Edea, that would be awkward as fuck. Bad enough Zell and I could barely make nice with each other. Wait, what? "'Trabian's first Yule'? Tray doesn't give a shit if we're there or not! I've only seen him once since he was born, and Hyne, I was wearing a pink prom dress at the time."

I lost a bet over masquerade costumes, okay?

"That's why it's so important he meet and bond with you now. I don't want our son thinking all his gay uncles are drag queens, too."

A muscle in my jaw twitched. "Put Selphie back on. I have to apologize for making her a widow the next time I see you."

Kinneas laughed and suddenly I had Selphie chirping back in my ear. I surrendered to the inevitable as gracefully as I could, and dutifully scribbled down train connections and the address to the rustic farm house she'd rented for a story book Yule celebration.

"We want to get you guys something for your apartment, too. What is your décor like?"

"'Décor'? Guys don't have a 'decor', 'Elf." How gay did she think we were?

I could almost hear the eye roll. "You are as bad as Squall. Wait, you can't be, he's color blind."

"You're color blind?" I asked the love of my life. You'd think I'd notice these things. On the other hand, our home was largely decorated in black leather. Silly me, I thought he just liked the stuff. Squall shrugged, which was no answer, but knowing him, he probably wasn't sure. Selphie yelled over the phone for me not to ask Squall, as he didn't know anything anyway. Ok, fine.

"Don't you have a theme, Seifer?"

I looked around. "'Somewhat beat up' is a theme?"

"I'll just tell everyone 'black and white' like always," she sighed.

"Hey, our whole place isn't done in black and white!" For one thing, the bathroom came with some truly hideous babyshit brown tiles.

"Yes, that's good, Sweetie. I'll handle it. Oh, and don't bother wrapping your gifts, Quisty and I will do it for you once you're here."

"Wrapping? Gifts?" I was starting to feel the icy hand of dread on the back of my neck. Or maybe that was Squall's hand, he'd perched on the arm of the sofa and was reaching for the phone, which I gladly relinquished. "We are supposed to bring gifts," I told him.

"It's a Yule thing," Squall explained to me before turning to the phone. "Yes, you win, we'll be there. Yes, for reals. No, we won't make up a lie and bail. Yes, I know you can track us down anywhere. Yes. Yes. Hyne, yes! Hanging up now, Selphie." Which he did with a snap of the phone.

"If you'd done that 40 minutes ago," I pointed out, "We could be having sex by now. And be free on Yule."

"I'll make it up to you," Squall promised, shimmying out of his white tee.

*

Shopping is something best done alone, late at night, just a man, a credit card, a toll free number from the infomercial. You give the nice lady all your pertinent numbers and 10 business days later you are the proud owner of a waffle iron that doubles as a donut maker. If you don't mind your donuts looking a bit waffley. This is how a man shops.

Unfortunately, we didn't have 10 business days before we had to catch our train, and Squall and I both knew horrible, dire, and highly illegal things would happen if we missed that train or showed up empty handed. So, off to the shopping center we went.

Our third circle of the choked parking lot, I voted we go back to the apartment and hope for a decent infomercial and overnight delivery. Not that it mattered, because we were immediately caught in a traffic jam caused by one large trendy car driver who was convinced someone up the way was bound to leave eventually and thus she would score a primo parking space. Naturally, she planted her oversized sporty vehicle exactly in the center of the aisle so no one could pass on either side. "I have a suggestion," I said.

Squall's hands tensed on the steering wheel. "Does it involve fireballs?"

"No, but that's an alluring alternative. I say we leave the damn car right here. We can be done shopping before this bitch moves."

Anything he had to say on the subject was eclipsed when an exhausted looking woman dragging several hyper excited children and a multitude of bags arrived at her car. It was several car lengths behind Trendy – right next to us, in fact. Proving logic was not Trendy's long suit, she immediately threw her car in reverse and tried to force the entire line of 6 vehicles she'd been holding prisoner to back up and let her have the space.

"Tell me you have _Firaga_ stoked," Squall said, shifting gears and turning around in his seat, hunting for a way to avoid the idiots in front of us. Sadly, we were hemmed in by matching idiots behind us. It was bookends of Stupidity.

Now we were all well and truly trapped, and Trendy was determinedly inching backwards. I think the person immediately behind her must have just given up, put her car in neutral, and put her faith in Hyne, because Trendy was actually pushing that car back towards our front bumper. In the large pickup behind us, the guy threw up his hands and gestured back, indicating he had no room to move, either.

The shopper, unaware of the small scale war about to erupt over her parking space, continued throwing kids and purchases into the back of her car. Not that she had a chance in hell of ever being able to pull out.

"So," I said conversationally, "once they hit us and the actual damage beings, how far do you think the violence will escalate?"

Through gritted teeth, Squall said, "The term you are searching for is 'carnage'."

"Thought so." Squall loves his car, his gunblade, and me, and I'm not exactly sure about in which order. I did know the Torama would cost the most to replace. I bailed out, waving my hands in aircraft signaling fashion. "Lady, lady, look around you for fuck's sake!"

The woman in front of us rolled down her window. "I've called the PeaceKeepers!"

"Good, they'll be here about August. Let me handle this." I don't know how she thought they were going to get through the traffic to arrest anyone.

The guy in the big pickup truck had gotten out, too, probably in the same humor Squall and I shared. This was going to get ugly fast. Squall jumped out to talk to him, but I didn't hold out much hope of either of them calming the other. The shopper joined in, correctly pointing out in a whiny tone that if someone would move, they could have her parking space.

Trendy started yelling at that, and rolled down her passenger side window, leaning across the seats to scream at me, "That's _my_ parking space!"

"You can't have it, you crazy bitch!" Someone yelled. Probably not me. Or Squall.

I summoned up my best dealing with nutbars expression. "Lady, you are about to cause a riot. Just move on."

"It's mine!"

"I'm not giving it to you, you greedy twat!" Ah, it was the shopper voicing her opinion.

"You tell her, Honey!" Clearly, the pickup truck guy was going to be no help.

"Yeah," Peacekeeper Summoner chimed in. "Go back in and shop some more, M'am!"

"Noooooo," the shopper's kids wailed, echoed by Trendy and several others.

"You can't have that space, I saw it first. That makes it mine!"

"I saw your momma's ass first but that doesn't make it mine," I snapped. I took a deep breath. I hate breaking one of my own rules, namely 'Never argue with idiots'. "This is how this is going to go. You are going to drive away now. Or I am going to start casting spells. At the end of my casting, you are going to be a very unhappy person. And a pedestrian. Are you following me?"

She stared at me, and I grinned at her. I held up my left hand, where the silvery green lights of a Stop spell were forming. "I'm going to cast _Sleep_ on you," I lied, "and drag you out of there by the hair, and drop you in the largest pile of crap I can find, head first. Then I'm going to cast Mini on your piece of shit vehicle, and throw it as far as I can. I used to play outfield in softball, I have a pretty good arm. Or you can stop acting like a spoiled child and drive away." I was actually going to cast _Stop_ on her, put the car in neutral, and hope Squall, the pickup truck guy and I could push her heavy assed vehicle out of everyone's way.

Trendy eyed my hand and a teeny flicker of intelligence, or self-preservation, kicked in. She threw the vehicle in gear and resolutely looked forward. A millisecond before she drove off, Squall called, "Stop! Don't let her leave!"

"Holy Halfassed Hyne!" I lunged through the window to grab for the gear shift.

Squall actually swung up onto the back of her trendy van thing and hung there, one handed, while he kicked at Peacekeeper Caller's car. "She's locked bumpers with the car behind!"

Little details like that didn't bother Trendy; she stomped the gas, dragging me, Squall, and the unlucky little car with its screaming driver along. I let the _Stop_ spell fire off, thwarting Trendy's attempts to close the window on me, but I was too distracted to aim for her or the engine and she kept going. I fell back, on my ass but clear of the maniac, in time to see Squall remedy the bumper situation with a slash from Lionheart. The Peacekeeper Caller's car rolled to a stop, Trendy's bumper fell off with a crash, and Squall jumped lightly off the back and ran over to me.

And right past me. "Seifer," he called out. "Get the car, I see a parking space!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Home for the Holidays**

**Chapter 2**

_For Darksquall. Sorry this took so long._

_All Characters borrowed without permission from SquareSoft will be returned, only slightly traumatized, upon request. Written for love, not profit._

'_Hero' Universe. Warnings: Contains Christmas shopping, foul language and general grouching. Hints of Yaoi._

*

"You still mad about that?"

"What, about the parking lot? Of course not." I was trapped in an over heated mall, surrounded by eye melting, tacky ornaments, surly shoppers, and sickly sweet music. And I had a bruise on my ass the size of Balamb. What was there to complain about?

Squall huffed. "You are. You are sulking, Seifer. Like one of those kids." He gestured towards a faux candy covered cottage where the Yule King was clearly not in evidence. Several morose children wandered about, sure they'd lost their only opportunity to help boost Esthar's toy stockpile.

"I never sulk. And even if I did, it would not be because you left me on my ass after I risked severe personal injury to perform my civic duty."

"You threatened her! That's assault. There is a limited number of times I can talk Laguna into bailing you out of jail, you know."

I stopped dead, causing a woman to ram me in the shin with a baby stroller. I cursed colorfully and rubbed my leg, getting a tsk of disapproval from a passersby for my lack of Yuletide glee. "I can't believe you have the shiny brass balls to say that to me. Who had to hold whom back when the little old lady bumped the Torama with her car door?"

"She dinged the side!" He frowned and I smirked. "And you did not have to hold me back."

True, all Squall did was flash her the death glare. I did think I was going to have to do CPR on the poor old biddy afterwards, though. On the upside, I now knew what to get Squall for Yule: one of those buffer things. He could spend his time removing invisible flaws from his second love. It's not like _I'd_ be getting any attention.

If I were sulking, I'd be sulking about that. The odds were not good I'd be getting laid on this vacation, as Selphie has this disturbing habit of bursting in unannounced and jumping on the bed. There are times in your life when that is fun, but I was pretty much over them by about age 6. Anyway, it makes me nervous, and I can't have sex if I know she's within a three mile radius. And we weren't having sex now, because not even I am kinky enough to get horny in a mall filled with crabby and a bit under washed holiday shoppers.

"Let's just get this over with, so we can go home and make out."

Squall had no objections to that plan, which cheered me up considerably, and I scanned the shops, planning my attack. As with all men, our major goal was to get out of there as quickly as possible. This is why, if directly inside the door, they had a table of Left Handed Nose Flutes, men would buy them. If the sales clerk happened to be a large busted blond, and the Left Handed Nose Flute could also be used as an Eel Stuffer and Corn Remover, men would buy one for everyone on their list. Five minutes, shopping done, where's the bar? Everyone needs a Nose Flute.

However, the greedy bastards who run shopping centers and malls want you trapped in there for endless hours, until you are willing to stand in line for 15 minutes just to get a tepid lemonade and a paper boat of deep fried atherosclerosis. And buy anything any cheerful large breasted blond tells you to. Or in my case, a cute little brunet guy.

Naturally, our parking space landed us in No Man's Land of the mall. Literally. All the close by shops were women's shoes or maternity, and not even Squall was clueless enough to think we'd live through buying Yule gifts from 'Buns in the Oven'. There were shops of dainty little things, but I wasn't about to wade through that crap to find the one breakable item Ellone didn't already have. Even if I knew what it was.

Spotting the one thing I knew we'd been spending Squall's hard earned gil on, I beelined for the handy coffee kiosk. I spent the time in line hunting for something on the menu board that wasn't flavored with gingerbread, pumpkin pie, eggnog or peppermint, finally choosing two paper cups of what they laughingly called regular coffee, black. I headed over to where Squall was examining the "you are here" mall poster like it held the secret to the return of Hyne. "I tried the coffee, it's about a 6 on the 'what is this crap' scale."

He held out his hand. "As long as there are no sprinkles or weird flavors, I'm good."

" 'Weird' is such a vague term." I waited until he'd taken a swig to confide, "I think the barista washed her socks in the pot."

Sadly, Squall has years of practice at ignoring me. "They have a sausage and cheese store."

Ah, the answer to all our shopping needs. Except… "Ok, Zell won't eat it, which I find weird from a guy who used to obsess over hot dogs, but still. Women won't eat it, either, I've noticed. You are allergic and it gives me heartburn. So that only leaves Irvine and your Dad."

Native Galbadians can eat anything.

"Two down, then," Squall said, and he was so happy about that he drank more of the coffee sludge and didn't even make a face. "We could get Quistis and Zell music discs."

"Oh hell no. The last time I let you trick me into going into a music store, we ended up with a sound system that the local symphony calls to borrow." Squall protested and I held up my hand. "No. I am not going to pry your ass away from the sub woofers or what ever the fuck new shiny electronic gizmo there is. Last resort, only. And that means, after we've tried the bubble bath and bedroom slippers."

"We could get something for you," he muttered. "A personal player. A modern one, you know, where you can hear out of _both_ ear buds."

"What about candy?" I counter offered, noticing no less than three confectionery shops listed. "It's Yulish, and everyone likes it."

I got The Look. "Zell. Selphie. Sugar. Enclosed space."

"Right, gotcha, you don't have to paint a picture, Hyne." I tossed the remains of the coffee into a wastebasket, hoping it wouldn't eat through and escape. "What was the rule about gift cards?"

Squall quoted, "They are lazy and show no imagination."

"A stigma I'm willing to endure."

"I can't really give them money anyway, Elle and Laguna have masses more than we do, and I already sign the other's paychecks."

"Just retire, Squall, you hate that job." I headed towards the sausage and cheese place, weaving around the mobs.

"I love my job. Most of it - just not the artificial paper justification post mortem bits."

That's right, it was _me_ who hated his job, mainly because I was never sure what sort of shape Squall would be in once he finally got home. Of course, the only part he enjoyed was the dangerous stuff. Good thing I'm going to be one hell of a doctor. I fumbled around for something boyfriendish and supportive to say, but was saved by the window display at one of those Ladies' Undergarments places. I slowed, ogling.

"Something you need to tell me?" Squall asked.

As if. He's the bisexual one, not me. "Lets get that red thing with the fluffy feathers for Quistis and put Zell's name on it."

He tipped his head, thinking it over. "She'll kill him."

"Hey, I have to have _some_ fun on this vacation."


	3. Chapter 3

**Home for the Holidays**

**Chapter 3**

_For Darksquall. Sorry this took so long._

_All Characters borrowed without permission from SquareSoft will be returned, only slightly traumatized, upon request. Written for love, not profit._

'_Hero' Universe. More holiday shopping. Foul language. Yaoi of the cut to billowing curtains variety._

*

Squall and I ambled into the lingerie store, which was shockingly bereft of shoppers. I guess women don't buy these sorts of dainty things for themselves and the other 8 male shoppers in the mall were clustered around the electronics store trying to watch the game.

The overly pink and perky sales clerk expanded her chest and smile, then went back to sulking behind the counter at the resounding lack of interest. I checked out the "Yuletide Spirit' costume while Squall wandered around. Fluffy feathers are called Malibu, the tag informed me, and the Malibu must be a goddamn rare bird, because there wasn't enough of anything else in that scrap of fabric to warrant the horrendous price. I certainly didn't want to spend that much of our budget on a gag, and especially not on something that would result in grievous bodily harm to Zell and thus, eventually, me.

It's not like I really wanted anything bad to happen to the guy. We never got along but I had many fond memories of Zell. Mostly of pissing him off until he frothed, but hey, fun is fun. By the time I figured out the Almasy method of bonding through Assholiness only worked on Squall and Fuu, it was too late.

Plus Squall was looking at silk stockings and I was getting mental pictures that would get me stabbed in the head if Squall suddenly learned to read minds. It was giving the sales clerk ideas, too, because she undulated over and made a production of showing him the clocks on the hose she was wearing.

Enough of that. I grabbed Squall and dragged him off to gayer pastures. He gave me an odd look and I fabricated, "Too expensive. As in spontaneous nose bleed expensive."

He shrugged. "I noticed the less there was, the more it cost."

"That explains the price tags hanging on the empty hangers."

We passed one of those Men's Gifts shops warily. These are the places that sell indispensable man gifts like cuff links, ear hair trimmers, and checker sets with shot glasses for the markers. Predictably, all the shoppers inside were frustrated women grumbling about men who say they don't want anything.

As a public service, I should mention that when a guy tells you he doesn't want anything, he really doesn't want anything. Because if a man wants something, he gets it himself. We're not really known for resisting impulse buys. It's the old hunter-gatherer thing: women compare one berry to another, discuss it's merits, maybe come back later to see if it ripens up more. Men, as hunters, nab something as soon as they see it. Kill it now, find out if it tastes like shit later, because if you hesitate, it's gone.

Also, men don't really like to get gifts; men _give_ gifts – to females. When a woman gives a man a gift, it's like she's scratching her balls. A guy doesn't know where to look. And the gratitude thing is awkward because you never know how touchy feely you are supposed to – or allowed to – get after. When men are forced to buy for other men, they get something they can borrow later, like a chain saw, or consumables, such as a bottle of booze.

Which we couldn't do, of course. Esthar had the worst beer in the world, and that includes that catbarf the moombas drink. The only thing worse than Estharian beer was Estharian wine. They did have some sort of brain killer made from fermented cacti but I make it a rule to avoid anything that can ignite without warning.

The other reason was never mentioned; if there was liquor available, Squall drank it. It irritated me that they kept this weird code of silence about his issues, but at least no one was jerk enough to aggravate the situation by stocking our bar.

My musings led me into a traffic jam caused by some poor bastard in a wheel chair trying to maneuver around 3 women and what seemed like several hundred of their ugly kids. They were standing smack in the middle of the walkway discussing someone's new wife, oblivious to the fact that they could possibly be inconveniencing anyone. The guy's foot was propped up and I could see the throb lines around it like a cartoon, and I winced in pity. Being in pain and forced to Yule shop should be against the International Anti-torture Conventions.

Squall and I were parted by a rush of teens who were determined to get around – or through – all of us in order to better spend their allowances at TrendyMart. Squall gave way and gave way and ended up crammed up by a display window featuring shaving cream heaters and manicure dryers. If he ended up buying my gift there, I hoped he made the right choice. Or I'd be forced to make him do my toes, too.

I'm not a brash kid anymore, but some things you never grow out of, such as not giving way to punks, so I stood my ground. I was also trying to block and deflect the surge of bodies around the guy in the wheelchair, since he had enough problems already. One kid did the shoulder bump to me, and not only did I not budge, but also I flashed him a grin, the one with lots of teeth.

"Watch it, Old Man," the punk said, and that hurt, since I'm not even 24. Not for a couple days, anyway.

"Why?" I asked. "Does it do tricks?" I was still smiling. "I know! Can it pull some good manners out of your ass?"

His eyes narrowed, but his girlfriend hauled him away, murmuring "Sorry."

The rush of kids derailed the stunning critique of the new trophy wife, so the wheelchair guy interjected hopefully, "Excuse me, I'd like to get through, please."

"Do you mind?" One of the women said sharply. "We're talking, here."

"If you would just move out of the way, you could continue your conversation." Wheelchair Guy was a damn saint. I dropped a cura on his leg, gratis, as a show of support.

"Why don't you go around?" snipped one of the other women.

And ping, my patience meter clicked off. "Because we'd have to take the ferry back to Fisherman's Horizon to get around your fat ass." They all turned to glare at me, which at least enabled Wheelchair Guy to get by. "Instead of using up all the oxygen in the area, why don't you hie yourselves off to the gym and work off some of those lattes?"

"Well, I never!"

"Yeah, I'm thinking that's part of the problem." I was going to launch into my theories of how they should keep their fuckugly children locked away in the basement for the good of humanity, but I was distracted by the sparkle of _Esuna_ off to the side. I left the women fuming and sputtering to go find Squall.

He was fuming a bit, himself. Squall had drifted too close to one of the nefarious Yuletide Scent Spritzers, and she'd gotten him but good with what smelled like the Gingerbread Man's ass. "I don't think _Esuna_ is going to fix that, Baby."

"It helped with the allergic reaction." He huffed and eyed me. "I thought you were going to pop that boy."

"I'll have you know I have personal rules against that. But I was tempted to magnetize one of the support braces with a spell and stick him to it by his piercings."

Squall looked impressed. "You have that spell?"

"No," I said sadly. "But a guy can dream."

Squall rolled his eyes and looked around. "Book store?" he suggested. He knew we'd find something for each other in there, at least.

"Why not, we deserve a break." So far, shopping was looking like a bust, the only things we'd bought were for ourselves.

On the way over, Squall was mobbed by 4 or 5 or 800 little girls, who all bounced up and down and squealed. They were at that highly excitable age, somewhere between baby dolls and boyfriends. Once my hearing returned to normal, I figured out they were chanting "You're that guy! It's him, it's really him!"

Squall was taking on that glazed look of a man who was about to bolt for the exit and leave his lover alone in the big scary mall center to do all the Hynebedamned Yule shopping by himself. We couldn't have that.

"It's not really him," I told the little girls.

"Yes, it is! He even has the scarrrrrrrrr." They went into raptures. I had a scar, too, but no one noticed.

I clamped my hand on Squall's arm, holding him there, and said briskly, "It's make up."

"Make up?" Squall and the girls echoed.

"Yeah, its for cosplay. They have a whole big deal up on the third floor."

"OooHH!" Cosplay was even better than bumping into the Prince of Esthar, the Lion of Balamb, and the Hero of the World. The girls quickly confabbed and bounded off towards the escalators. One paused to say sincerely, "Awesome costume, seriously."

"Costume?" Squall asked faintly. "Cosplay?"

"Cosplay. You learn all sorts of things a college, you should try it."

"Why doesn't that ever happen to you?"

I sighed. "Because I was the bad guy, remember? You get fan girls and I get death threats."

"Is it too late to trade sides?"

All our trials and tribulations didn't matter once we finally made it into the book shop, for there, on a table near the back door, was The Perfect Gift. Squall and I both drifted over as if hypnotized. I swear a shaft of light came down and angels sang.

"They put 'Weapons Monthly' on disc?"

I picked up a box. "All of them, all 20 years. Fully illustrated."

A blond sales girl trotted up, all smiles. "Those are on sale, and if you buy one, you get the annotated index for the weapon of your choice for half price. And a free poster."

We bought everyone they had.

…For the record, the sales girl's boobs weren't _that_ big. But the little darkhaired guy with her had a _killer_ smile.

*

"I am not pacing," Squall said, only a tad defensively.

He was right, prowling would be a better term for it. Normally I had no objections to watching Squall move around the apartment like a caged cat, all sleek muscle and contained violence. The problem this time was, I was just as twitchy and bored. I hate waiting on things you can't hurry up, like trains.

I'd had my last final of the year that morning; Squall picked me up at school after and we'd celebrated with lunch at a popular local hangout. Sadly, one can only linger over a cheeseburger and fries so long before the milkshakes melt. We repaired to our lair to fidget until it was time to head for the train station.

Neither of us is known for patience. We just express it differently. If I'd been alone I'd be doing the same thing as Squall – endless circuits of the apartment, looking for something to do that wouldn't take too long, wouldn't mess up the pristine house, that wouldn't take much attention since one eye was always on the clock.

On Squall's perigean pass, I reached up from my sprawl on the couch and nabbed him by the belt, dragging him down into my lap. I took advantage of the momentary speechless indignation to steal a kiss.

"We have 40 minutes," I hinted.

He rolled his eyes. "I just put clean sheets on the bed."

"Oh, dear. I guess we'll just have to make out here on the couch, then."

"Leather does clean up well," Squall agreed. I knew there was a better reason for us having it everywhere than Squall being colorblind.

Once we were both sated, Squall spread over me like a blanket, resting his head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat. I rubbed lazy circles on his back and cat napped, knowing Squall the punctual would wake me up in time to go.

Sure enough, I was awakened by a kiss. I smiled sappily up into Squall's storm gray eyes.

"Seifer," he said huskily, "we missed the train."


	4. Chapter 4

**Home for the Holidays**

**Chapter 4**

_For Darksquall. Sorry this took so long._

_All Characters borrowed without permission from SquareSoft will be returned, only slightly traumatized, upon request. Written for love, not profit._

'_Hero' Universe. Hints of Yaoi, Road Trip from Hell, and foul language._

*

Panic jolted me to full awareness. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I fell asleep, too. It's not my fault you are a good lover."

I shut my mouth mid-rant. Not much I could say to that. I sat up and assessed the situation. "Shit. Selphie knows where we live." Never for a second did I doubt her promise to hunt us down and do terrible things if we failed to turn up for Yule. The woman had been through childbirth, without drugs even. She _understood_ pain. I ran my hand through my hair. "What are our other options?"

"Take the next train, arrive late, beg for mercy."

"No good, the next train isn't until Tuesday and if we're going to be that late, we'd be better off using the time to change our names and find someplace to hide." Maybe with the White SeeD, Squall was still the commander, after all.

"There is another way," Squall suggested slyly. "We could drive up in the Torama."

Oh ho. Now that I was fully awake, it _was_ odd Squall slept through his watch alarm. "Let me think: certain debasement, destruction and eventual painful and humiliating death, or twenty-two hours in a tiny sports car driven by a maniac. Decisions, decisions…"

"I already loaded the car," Squall said helpfully, sealing the deal with a kiss and some groping.

My eyes glazed over. "That was going to be my vote. Honest."

*

Squall tapped his gloved fingers on the steering wheel and stared out at the thick fog. "You suck as a navigator."

"Excuse the fuck out of me. This map is older than Doomtrain's wheels and it's written in ancient Centran."

"Do you even have it right side up?"

"Ooh, a funny. He can be taught. I suggest you leave the comedy to me, Laughing Boy." I peered out at the claustrophobically murky darkness. "I can't tell you what road we are on because I don't think this even _is_ a road. Just keep heading north. Eventually the Schumites will find us and we can trade them the car to hide us from Selphie's wrath."

"Sorry, Seifer," my love said insincerely. "I only mentioned it because we are low on fuel."

I shifted in my seat to stare at Squall. "We are lost in Hynefuck north Esthar and about to run out of juice?" I ran likely scenarios through my mental panic meter. We were way out of range for the phones, and we didn't even have anything to eat unless you factored in the fruitcake Loire had sent along for Selphie, which I didn't, as food by definition must be edible. "Did I mention I hated survival training?"

"Every single time we had it," Squall confirmed. "And for about a week after."

"Right. We'll just go as far as we can, then drift over to the side of the road and get comfortable while Hyne's Bitch, Mother Nature, carefully erases any trace of our passing and thereby negates all hope of rescue."

"At least we'll go together," Squall said, in one if his rare bursts of romance. Or black humor, hard to tell.

"We aren't going together. Since all we have is fruitcake, I'm going to kill and eat you."

"How can you think of sex at a moment like this?"

I leaned over to cuff him upside the head, and we both saw, off to the side of the road, something flash as the headlights passed by.

"Was that a sign?"

Squall immediately slowed, a miracle in and of itself. "No, those were bones."

"Not a good sign, then."

"I think that was a human rib cage."

"No it wasn't," I contradicted automatically. "It was a deer."

He stopped the car. "You didn't see it, you thought it was a sign. I'm going to check it out."

"Why? The last time I looked, once something's rib cage is reduced to bare white bones, it's beyond help. Trust me on this, I'm a med student, we know these things." I was having a Very Bad Feeling about this.

"Aren't you curious?"

"No, because deer die all the time, and once they become bones, we can't eat them. For all we know, it was killed ten thousand years ago by Meteor. But we can't report the archaeological find of the decade, because we don't know where the fuck we are!"

Squall flashed me an amused silver glance. "Don't be scared, I can protect you from the bones… or the crazed hermit with the chainsaw, or whatever it is you think is out there that will get you." He opened the car door. "I'll be right back."

"Hell no you aren't going alone." I unhooked the safety straps.

"You think I can't take a hermit with a chain saw?"

"No, Asshole," I said wearily. "I think you'll take him with Lionheart. What I'm afraid of is you'll kill him before I get to ask for directions."

We both clambered out of the Torama and attempted to look around. The fog was so thick it was smothering, and all we could really see were the clearly defined beams of the headlights. Squall reached in and cut the lights, probably thinking we'd see better once our nightvision kicked in, but all that did was heighten the sense of isolation. The fog muffled and amplified sounds oddly, so the ticking of the engine cooling was unnaturally loud, but everything else was muted like we were alone in the world. I moved around the car to be closer to Squall, comforted by the creak of his leather as he shifted and flexed.

"Stay with the car," Squall commanded.

"And periodically call out Marco?"

"Polo," he replied dryly, and trotted off, vanishing instantly.

I couldn't figure out why I was so spooked. What the hell could old bones do? They were only a hazard if Squall slipped on the loose gravel and fell on them. Maybe.

Squall reappeared suddenly, startling me, and murmured 'Polo' and something about looking ahead to see if he could spot a landmark. Suddenly it came to me what was wrong: the sound, or lack of sound, or more accurately the nonsound from up ahead. It was like that not noise you sense when you come into the room immediately after the television has turned off.

"Squall! Let me fling a Light spell." When I took the Healer's Vow to harm none, I gave up my aggressive GF's and all my attack spells - Stop is a defense spell, thank you very much. I still had Helios, a warm, comfortable presence in my mind, and he had a few nice tricks, including a spell that flared and blossomed like fireworks made of pure sunlight. Kicked ass on zombies, too.

I cast _Flara _and for a brief moment, all the fog burned off. It was bright as midday, and I could see Squall, surrounded by bleached dragon bones, standing a bladder emptyingly short distance in front of the Torama, on the edge of a huge chasm that had once been the rest of the road.

Squall blinked, looked down, and said absently, "You were right, it was some sort of animal."

"I'm prepared to swear it was Hyne's better half if it will get you to back away from the edge, there."

Squall smiled faintly, musing as he returned to my side, "The same washout that brought up those old bones must have collapsed the bridge."

"We could report it if only we knew where the fuck we were."

We folded ourselves back in the car, and Squall paused before restarting the engine. "You never used to be so antsy."

"I didn't have anything to lose, then," I snapped, defensive.

That got me one of his rare, sweet, full candlepower smiles. He even backed up a goodly ways before turning around, just to sooth my nerves.

*

We lost a lot of time exploring Hynefuck Esthar that we couldn't make up even with Squall's death defying driving speeds. In order to minimize the sulks when we arrived late, we decided to dead head in and take turns driving while the other slept.

That proved to be one of those things that worked a lot better in theory. I'm slightly too large to ever get completely comfortable in the Torama. The only way to stretch out at all is to drop the seat back as far as it will go, which is still tilted just enough to leave me balancing on the tip of my tail bone. A few hundred miles of that, coupled with the feeling of zipping feet first down the freeway like I was on a luge board, and I'm ready to kill.

Meanwhile, Squall has become one with his beloved car, meaning, he only stops if we're out of fuel. Normal bodily needs of passengers, like food, a washroom, or a selfish desire to walk off a leg cramp and avoid accidentally kicking the dashboard through the engine block are summarily dismissed.

"We'll need fuel in 140 miles, we'll stop then."

"I don't understand it. We both had the Abyss Boy Super Slurps back in Inbredville, why aren't you in agony?"

"Seifer, you are not in agony. You are just bored. Take a nap."

"I can't sleep while you are driving. Years of training to stay alert in life or death situations."

I woke up to full daylight, streaming through the last shreds of the autumn leaves. "You son of a bitch." He'd cast _Sleep_ on me, and I never saw it coming. I had to find out how he'd learned to suppress the visual effect.

Squall shrugged. "We'll be there in 5 hours. Let's get some coffee, we need fuel."

"No coffee for you or you'll never get to sleep."

"Don't need sleep. We're almost there."

"A five hour drive is not 'almost there'. You've been up 24 hours at least. I'll drive and you'll sleep, that was the deal. Don't make me put you out." And fuck him if he was thinking of crashing when we got there and leaving me to make nice alone.

"I'm junctioned against status effects," Squall reminded me smugly.

"Who said I was going to use a spell? I'm going to choke you out."

"There are better ways to make me sleepy."

I looked around. "Not in a moving car, there aren't."

And miracle of Hyne, he pulled over.


	5. Chapter 5

**Home for the Holidays**

**Chapter 5**

_For Darksquall. Sorry this took so long._

_All Characters borrowed without permission from SquareSoft will be returned, only slightly traumatized, upon request. Written for love, not profit._

'_Hero' Universe. Sap, warm fuzzies, bad language, yaoi and het, cute kids and holiday decorating. My apologies for odd spacing.  
_

*

We cleaned up – Irvine is the one who told us the many uses of travel packs of baby wipes – and Squall curled up and went instantly to sleep. He could sleep hanging off a meat hook, damn him.

Meanwhile, I was discovering that sex in a Torama was a Very Bad Idea. I spent a little while walking off the back kinks; I would have taken longer but a fat drop of cold rain hit me right in the eye.

So much for autumn sun. Ugly black clouds were rolling in fast. I hopped back into the car, nearly disemboweling myself on the steering wheel before I got the seat moved back, and set out to hopefully beat the worst of the storm. I cranked up the heat, such as it was. Being an Estharian make, the Torama was big on A/C and vague on heat, despite the fact it got damn cold there in winter. All three days of it.

I cut the radio on for company and maybe a weather report. We were just on the edge of range for one of Esthar's relay stations, but all they were playing were syrupy Yule carols, so it was a mixed blessing.

It makes Squall nervous to let me drive; it's not that I'm a bad driver; I just don't get the chance to do it too often. When Squall's around, he usually wants to continue his love affair with the Torama, and when he's not, I use public transportation, partially because it takes an act of Hyne and considerable oral to even get the keys away from him.

In Esthar, the public transports are cheap, comfortable, and have the added fun factor of occasionally becoming completely random. 'Pod malfunction' is the one cast iron excuse every instructor accepts. Assuming their pods worked and they make in.

Anyway, Squall seems to think I have no experience handling delicate, high performance, finely tuned, over powered, deadly hair trigger things.

He should look in a mirror sometime.

Expert driver though I was, I was a mite concerned when the sky opened up and pissed down rain like the proverbial cow and flat rock. The Torama wasn't built to slog through muddy gravel roads and I could only imagine Squall's reaction when he saw the effects on the paint job. At least he could put his Yule gift to good use. Even with the wipers on high the visibility was nil, and I slowed us to about the speed of an arthritic turtle, the better to peer about hunting for our turnoff.

The rain turned to sleet, slushing on the windshield and the wipers labored to keep it clear. We were starting to slip around the curves of the road instead of hugging them; I figured the Torama wasn't any happier than I was about this new development. Fortunately, we were the only ones crazy enough to try and drive in this weather, so when we did spin out, we wouldn't be taking anyone out with us.

I crawled past the little town where the train we should have been on arrived about 7 hours ago. It suddenly occurred that we should have called Selphie and warned her not to pick us up at the station; maybe we could blame that faux pas on lack of phone reception. Or throw her the fruitcake as a distraction.

Some of the buildings in the village were doing the Estharian thing and had strings of colored lights along the eves - made faint and blurry by the rain, but still offering the standard lie for kids, that the Yule King was coming, bringing toys and candy for all who deserved. Squall and I had figured out pretty early on we weren't on that list, and I for one had completely lost interest in the holiday and the whole birthday thing long ago.

I was kind of surprised Selphie even knew when my birthday was, but then, she must have hacked into the old Garden files to find out. I had no blinking idea when hers was - I knew Squall's was in the scorch end of summer and Quisty's was sometime shortly before mine. The only birthday that was ever celebrated was Zell's, because it coincided with a Balamb festival of blessing the boats, and Ma Dincht would send dozens of white, green and blue cupcakes up to the Garden for everyone to share. Or she did until the year of the Great Cupcake Battle. Blue food dye is a bitch to clean off walls and carpet.

I picked a skinny little road and hoped that it was either the correct one or at least had some reasonably dry spot to make a u-turn. It was paved, if your standards weren't too high, but narrow and both shoulders looked like good places to get stuck, so I kept with it. The sun was setting, but with the weather it hadn't made much difference.

I hit a particularly jolting pothole and Squall sat up. "Where are we?"

"Right at the Yule King tattoo on Hyne's ass."

"You always get so tense when you drive. You want me to take over?"

"Let's see," I said musingly, "Pull over into the muck and stop so we can go out in the pitch black ice cold rain and do a hynebedamned Trabian fire drill? I think I'll pass."

Eying the speedometer, Squall murmured, "I don't think we'd have to stop to do it."

Up ahead I thought I saw a flash of colored lights - either a place decorated for Yule or some sort of rural whorehouse, and I was at the point where I honestly didn't care which it was. Squall peered out into the mess. "Is that the place?"

"Where ever the fuck it is, I hope they have some holiday spirit, because we're spending Yule with them whether they want us to or not."

The road curved towards the lights, so we crept past an old stone wall and a small orchard before coming to a thankfully open gateway, showing the brightly decorated house at the end of a long driveway. I hesitated at the entrance, trying to see some indication of an address in the dark.

"It's the place," Squall said confidently. "No one but Selphie would decorate like that."

He had a point, even through the rain I could see giant plastic Yule King and his eight magic chicabos illuminating the night, along with what looked like an inflatable snow globe, wicker snowmen filled with tiny white lights, rows upon rows of colored lights and a large blue and white object I had to look at three times before I realized it was the symbol for Balamb Garden. I laughed, shaking my head, and guided us up the winding, sloping drive.

We turned in and ended up parking behind one of those pickup trucks with the tiny beds and giant wheels. "Zell's," Squall confirmed, reaching into the back to grab his travel bag. "And that blue van is Selphie's. Leave the rest until the morning."

"Hyne yes." I snatched up my kit and wormed my way out of the car. The porch light cut on, and I could hear hoots, shouted welcomes, and Selphie hollering "Booyaka!" Squall and I ran through the icy downpour, splashing mud halfway up our legs, but it didn't matter once we were under the covered porch and glomped by 97 pounds of Tilmit.

"You made it, awesome! When they said the bridge had washed out and all the trains were stalled in Greenfield, we were afraid you guys would have to spend the holidays in some dingy hotel by yourselves." Selphie still wore her trademark yellow, in the form of a fluffy sweater, but most of it and her jeans were covered by an apron styled to look like a Yule Queen outfit of white trimmed red with a large faux belt. She even wore the matching hat with bells that jingled as she jumped up and down.

I flashed Squall an accusing glare but he shrugged and smiled. Zell punched Squall lightly on the arm and even seemed pleased to see me, leading me to suspect they'd been hitting the Yuletide cheer a bit. He hadn't escaped the Yulification, either, wearing a green triangle style elf hat with a red feather.

"Need to get Seifer inside before he starts bitching about the cold," Squall said, bumping Zell in greeting. I used to be jealous of how close they were, but there are some things you just can't talk to your lover about. That's why I had Fuu's number on speed dial back home.

"He ever stops?" Zell reached for Squall's bag, but when he shook his head, obligingly went for the next largest item. Zell scooped Selphie up and toted her, still jabbering I might add, into the warmth of the farmhouse. Selphie's only reaction to being carried like a sack of grain was to clutch her hat and giggle.

I followed Squall in, commenting, "I don't only bitch about the cold. There is also the rain and the craptackular roads." I paused in the entry, letting the near physical force of the holiday fervor wash over me. The house was warm, and smelled like greenery and food - apples, spices, and baked goods.

A Trabian style evergreen stood in a pot by the front windows, which were too fogged over to see through. Quistis, cool and elegant as ever, stepped forward to greet us. She was dressed entirely in Yule green, and it suited her coloring well. Quis even had a rope of colored Yule lights around her neck, and it took me a few to figure out she wasn't wearing them as jewelry but trying to untangle them. Squall accepted a quick hug. "You are both so wet - all that just from the car to here? You should change clothes."

He rolled his eyes; I leaned forward and gave Quis a peck on the cheek. "Yes, Mom. ...nice necklace, did Zell make that for you?"

"You just wait, I'm saving the icicle lights for you."

Over the jaunty holiday tunes blasting from someone's player, Irvine called, "Hey, have you guys eaten?" He was in the kitchen, wearing a shirt that said "If you be naughty, I'll be nice" in white on red, and stirring something that smelled fantastic.

I wandered in to sniff and sample. "No, we're starving. Unless that is your bowel ripping chili, in which case, yeah, we just ate."

Trabian was in a high chair nearby, dressed in red onesie that more or less matched what his momma had on, and he squealed with delight when he saw Squall, waving a soggy half gnawed gingerbread man.

Zell nudged Squall. "Your adoring public awaits."

He rolled his eyes but greeted Trabian solemnly, earning beaming grins from his parents. Squall adores children no matter how much he claims otherwise.

"I made Irvy make it very mild," Selphie said, stealing a cookie off a tray. "So someone could eat it besides him."

"This is so genteel even Tray could eat it." Irvine sounded like he was apologizing to the gods of heartburn for not securing their sacrifices.

"Tray is Galbadian, just like you. If you gave a Galbadian a bottle of hot sauce big enough, he could eat a tank, treds and all."

"Mmmm, hot sauce." Irv went back to the stove to dish up.

"You'll want that to cool," Quistis advised. "He gets it as hot as he can one way or another."

Squall murmured, "Someone mentioned our room?"

"Oh, yes, you even have your own bathroom, well, shower, guys don't take baths which is a shame, you should see the giant tub in our room." Selphie led the way down the hall. Our room was thankfully spared excess Yuletide decorating, save for two plushies with red and green ribbons around their necks, which were sitting on our bed.

We eyed them. "Ok, I get that you are the lion, but since when am I a sheep?"

"Lamb." Squall shrugged. "It's a Yule thing."

We washed up quickly, because I was starving and because Selphie was pounding on the door telling us to hurry up. "Don't start making out or I'm coming in there with a camera!"

I paused toweling my hair and exchanged glances with Squall. I moaned and he growled and the door burst open. We both cracked up at Selphie's expression, meaning: I folded up laughing and Squall smiled slightly while Selphie scolded.

To appease her, I dug out our most Yulish clothing - a deep red long sleeved tee for Squall and my old green sweater. On a whim, I threw the tee shirt at Squall and said, "Here, at least wear something green." When Squall tugged it on without a correction, I added, "Hyne, you really are color blind."

"I thought _you_ were," Squall said smugly, passing us to head back to the dining room.

"He is," Selphie said confidently.

"How do you know?" It didn't matter, except that it did because I'd grown up with Squall and we were lovers and Selphie still knew something about him I didn't. Or thought she did.

"I know everything," she said airily. "I'm a mom."

Squall and I were crowded to a corner of the big dinner table, since most of it was commandeered to hold racks of cooling pies, cookies, cookie decorating equipment, and piles of penny candy. Zell had control of that, and bowls of icing, and as we ate I watched him create a heavily decorated Trabian style cookie house.

Quistis and Selphie were in the living room, hanging finished cookies and other candies and toys on the tree. Irvine popped two more pies in the oven; pumpkin or yam maybe by the smell of spices and that baking buttery aroma. Trabian crowed with delight everytime someone walked by; with all the hustle and bustle it was as if the entire house was playing peekaboo with him.

Irvine brought out several cups. "Now that you've eaten, I want you to try my special brew. You don't want that on an empty stomach, it will dip your hat in the creek."

"Speaking of which," Quistis said, "They had a flood watch on, did you have any trouble?"

Squall eyed me. "We took the scenic route."

"Ooh, I wanted to try that," Zell said, deftly leaning over and snatching the cup that seemed to be meant for Squall. Irvine looked slightly surprised, but then shook his head. Squall let it slide, taking 'Zell's' cup instead, which held some sort of hot cider with a lot of cinnamon.

I took the cup offered me - some sort of Irvine improved egg nog with nutmeg, rum and a lot of brandy. "Good Stuff."

"Not bad." Zell took barely a sip and set it aside. Squall went into the living room to mess with the sound system; as soon as he was gone Zell flashed Irv a frown.

Irvine shrugged, favored Zell with a shit eating grin, and set to stacking cookies on a platter. When I carried our dishes into the kitchen, I poured another mug of the cider stuff and switched cups with Zell.

Squall rigged the tree lights so they flashed in time with the music, to Selphie's total delight. He stayed with the hot cider, which was what Zell seemed to prefer and what Selphie was drinking as well, confirming that it was the nonalcoholic variety. That left Quistis, Irvine, and me to finish off the eggnog, and we got tipsy enough to start singing along with the Yule carols. It's funny how you can only hear songs once a year, but you still know all the words by heart.

I got fired pretty quick when I attempted to decorate anatomically correct cookie men, and since I have neither mechanical nor culinary skills, I was put in charge of babysitting Tray. At least Selphie rescued me at diaper changing time. As a reward, I dug Laguna's fruitcake out of Squall's kit and handed it off to her. She didn't even have to fake looking happy, proving the woman is completely insane.

Irvine drafted Squall into the kitchen to help with some project. I could smell gingerbread, which I took as a good sign. The warmth, food, and nog had mellowed me out and I sprawled on the couch with Trabian on my tummy, laughing my ass off at poor Zell. He'd foolishly volunteered to hang garlands and mistletoe as well as lights, vainly trying to please the two most finicky women in the world. Between Selphie's constant "oo, there, no over there, oo, maybe this..." and Quistis' increasingly drunken directions (which became more complex and detailed the more intoxicated she got), Zell had no hope in this life of making either of them happy.

Irvine and Squall returned with coffee and hot gingerbread cake that was loaded with nuts and fruit and glazed with lemon and orange and cinnamon. Sometime during the evening Squall had acquired Selphie's jingle hat, which he removed and plopped down on my head. He snuggled down next to me, cradling his coffee cup, and nodded to Tray. "How's he doing?"

"Throwing off BTU's like a regular furnace. No wonder the Kramers took us all in, it saved on heating bills." It came to me then, that Selphie and Irvine were right, the bonds we formed as little kids could not be severed by time - or Time Kompression. I was feeling pretty sappy, and it wasn't helped when the music changed and an instrumental version of an old, bluesy holiday song came on.

Quistis tipped her head and started singing along, "_The snow is snowing, the wind is_ _blowing…_" She has a wonderful voice, could sing professionally if she ever left Garden. "_But I can weather the storm…_"

Squall reached over and cut out the regular lights so all we had were the blinking colored ones from the tree and decorations, and the flickers from some candles Selphie had set out. Irvine got up and tugged Selphie to her feet, and they danced in the narrow space between the gifts and the furniture.

"Tree looks good," I whispered to Squall, who nodded and put his head on my shoulder.

Zell was crouched in the corner like an elf, but his eyes were only for Quistis, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out she was pretty much singing for him. "_What do I care how much it may storm? I've got my love to keep me warm_."

Since no one was looking, I stole a kiss from Squall. "I've decided to forgive you for roping me into this."

He smiled back. "To think I was preparing to offer oral as a consolation prize."

"No reason to assume they are mutually exclusive."

Irvine dipped his head, catching Selphie's lips for romantic kiss. The lights flickered, then died, and the music garbled to a stop. Quistis trailed off in confusion a few beats later.

I sat up a little, balancing Trabian. "See what you did?"

"Uh-oh, " Zell said. "Generator?"

"Supposed to be on a power grid, but we are pretty rural..." Irvine looked around like the answer would appear.

"Is that the rain?" Quistis frowned at the window. "It is, it's coming down in sheets. I don't know why we couldn't hear it before."

"Because we had the music up loud, Brianiac." I was trying to get up, not easy with both Squall and Tray on top of me. Squall at least I could poke until he moved, which he did reluctantly. Quistis stuck her tongue out at me, proving beyond a doubt she was at least half in the bag.

Selphie handed a candle to Zell, and one Squall. "They are orange and winterberry!" Squall and Zell exchanged looks, then both eyed their candles like they were expecting an attack.

I rolled my eyes. "Fun as this has been - and it has been, thanks, 'Elf - it's late and that was a hint from Hyne we should choose up sides and all go to bed." I offered Selphie her son.

Picking up the last candle, Irvine said, "Excellent idea. I should mention that Selphie's and my bed has plenty of room if any of you should get cold or lone- ow, Darlin', ow, not so hard... not in front of the boy, Selph..."

Selphie hoisted Trabian to her shoulder, and swatted Irvine with her free hand, chasing him out of the room. She called back a merry "Good night! We'll worry about the mess and power in the morning - when it quits raining!"

Zell offered Quistis the candle and his arm. "You guys think it's going to stop raining in the morning?"

"I think I'm prepared to sleep in until it does," I answered. I let Squall tug me to my feet, then I looped my arm around his narrow hips and pulled him off balance for a stealth hug.

"Good night," Quistis said. "Sleep well. Zell, do you know where my luggage ended up?" He murmured a response, guiding her down the hall.

"If he doesn't get laid tonight, we are going to have to adopt him and make him honorarily gay."

Squall rolled his eyes. "I'm not interested in _other_ people getting laid."

"I like how you think."

(( _I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm_ by Irvine Berlin. Dean Martin does a good job singing it. ))


	6. Chapter 6

**Home for the Holidays**

**Chapter 6**

_For Darksquall. _

_All Characters borrowed without permission from SquareSoft will be returned, only slightly traumatized, upon request. Written for love, not profit._

_I should mention that many of the events in this fic are real; the names have been changed to make it more interesting._

'_Hero' Universe. Hints of Yaoi, much cursing and flailing._

_*_

I was having weird dreams of Helios and Shiva having a fistfight, which turned into a debate over the collapse of the Second Shinra Empire, mediated by Zell dressed as a wooly lamb. It was almost a relief to be jerked awake by a rap on our door.

"Guys, I think you better get up."

It was Zell, presumably sans lamb suit, and something in his voice had Squall and me rolling out of bed. I grabbed for my pants and medikit; Squall reached for Lionheart, first. We stumbled out of the bedroom still pulling on clothes and boots, tripping over each other in the darkness.

In the hallway, Zell was holding a heavy-duty flashlight up like a torch, trying to give maximum light. Irvine was there, sleep mussed but at least in pajama bottoms, and Quistis appeared in a very fetching peach colored peignoir, complete with Malibu feathers on the toes of her matching mules.

"Ok, Chicken, what's the deal?"

Zell grimaced at the nickname, but let it go, which worried me. "I woke up and decided to get something out of the truck..." He gestured to the front door.

Too impatient at being awakened at O dark thirty to wait for him to get to the point, I stalked over and wrenched the door open. There was a strange lapping sound, and the landscape was moving. Forlorn looking wicker snowmen bobbed by, and one plastic chicabo. "The fuck? The tide come in?"

The others followed me. "We're a hundred miles inland, easy," Irvine protested.

"But close to the river," Quistis pointed out.

Zell peered around my elbow and said "Shit, it was only to the walkway before!"

"The trains were washed out? Are we upstream or down from that?" Squall asked, about 12 hours too late. I knew we were all kicking ourselves for not thinking of it earlier.

"They lost a bridge, but the station master was confident the village would be safe; he said they'd been repairing the levees..." Quistis's voice trailed off. "If a levee breached..."

"Something breached all right, the front yard is a hynebedamned swimming pool." I went out to look and found the edge of the porch the hard way, by stepping off it. I flailed around and grabbed the porch support, doing a charming little two-step to regain my balance. Fortunately it was darker than Norg's heart and still raining steadily, so no one saw that.

Or was jackass enough to mention it if they did.

Since I was already drenched I decided I might as well slog on out and see the lay of the land, pulling a _Flara, _which I held in my hand. Everything was gone, the landscape smoothed by water to a more or less flat surface. The trees along the road looked more like bushes, and wall was barely a curb, and all around us was nothing but black churning water.

"Shit, the car." I headed for the driveway, slipping in the mud, filthy icy water splashing about my knees.

"Seifer, wait!" Squall protested.

"You stay out of this, it will cramp your legs all to shit," I told him. Squall had been badly hurt in a wreck earlier this year; he was damn lucky to even be walking. He huffed and muttered something about Shiva, but obeyed.

"I'll go get Selphie and Tray," Irvine said, turning back inside with Quis, who murmured something about clothes. Zell handed the flashlight off to her, and splashed into the water after me. He is a lot shorter, of course, but made better time because as soon as it was deep enough he simply fell forward and swam his way over to the vehicles. Personally, I was trying to keep as much of me as possible out of that frigid water. Hyne knows what all was floating around in there with us.

He was standing back up when I rounded the corner of the house. In the light leaking through my fingers we could see the water lapping about mid door height on Selphie and Irv's van. All that was visible of the poor Torama was a bit of roof and the antenna.

"Dude, I hope your insurance is paid up."

"Squall is going to _shit_." I sighed. Not only was the car hist, but also gone were the gifts and luggage we'd left in the trunk. Too bad Squall had grabbed the damn fruitcake along with his bag. "Can your truck get through this?"

"Think so, but we won't all fit in the cab."

"We can brace Trabian's carry in the footwell, and Selphie can wedge in the middle..." Quis might fit in if she sat on Irv's lap, but... "Squall and I will just have to ride in the back. He has Shiva to keep him warm, at least."

Speaking of Squall, I thought I heard him calling something, but there were a lot of other noises drowning him out - the sloshing water, Zell yapping, cattle bellowing in the distance and a strange sort of rushing, cracking sound.

Zell turned, sliding in the muck, and said, "What's that noi-?"

I threw the _Flara_ and we saw a wall of water tumbling towards us. It was momentarily stalled by the high wall along side the parking area, but it was cresting up and spilling over as I watched. The torrent snatched up trees like they were blades of grass, tangling them together into a battering ram, and the wall had no chance against that force. It crumpled and the water surged in, lifting Zell's truck and smashing it into the van.

An older, wiser instinct finally woke up and overrode my shear astonishment and I turned for the house. Zell's fight or flight response was in better working order; he was more than halfway to the porch, where Squall was shouting something incoherent, barely heard over the roar of the water. Frankly, I wasn't holding out much hope that the house was going to withstand that onslaught, but it felt like a safer bet than treading water.

It's damn hard to run in water up to your thighs, even with the current shoving you along; I knew I had no chance at beating the rush of the flood. The water hit the side of the house like Doomtrain on a tear and I could hear wood splinter. I had visions of the whole place coming down, trapping Squall and the others inside.

Suddenly I had more pressing issues to worry about as I was immersed in water so cold it literally took my breath away. I've been hit with Shiva's _Diamond Dust_; it had nothing on the paralyzing cold of the shit that surrounded me. I couldn't even thrash around uselessly; I was so intent on trying to get my lungs to work. The emergency kit on my back dragged me down, and the current was carrying me half way to Balamb. That damn plastic Yule King spun by, clipping me upside the head. Bastard never did like me.

Someone grabbed my hair, hauling my head above water. "Nose and toes," Zell shouted in my ear. It was standard white water rafting advice, and now that my brain was thawing a tiny bit, I rolled and obeyed, keeping my nose and toes as high as possible to prevent getting snagged and dragged under again.

Zell is a powerful swimmer, probably the best of all of us, but he wasn't strong enough to buck that current dragging me, and I couldn't get enough breath or force my muscles to unclench enough to swim. I worked on being a cooperative rescuee and considered jettisoning the medikit, but I thought if I survived this, we were going to need it, even wet.

We caught a break; the water was churning itself into circles as it crashed against the orchard wall and the motion threw us back towards the farmhouse, close enough for Squall to lean out and grab Zell's hand in his gunblader's grip. Squall was clinging the remaining support of the partially collapsed front porch with one hand, but he was strong enough to drag us forward. I finally got my feet under me again, although the current kept trying to knock me back down.

"Now I know what my socks feel like in the washer, Baby." Zell was panting, but managed a grin. Squall tugged him up onto the porch; I followed, gulping air.

Part of the house jutted out enough to give us a corner to avoid the water; it had been a fortunately blank, largely windowless side that had taken the brunt of the wave. Even so, the house was shuddering like and shaking like dog shitting a peach pit.

I clutched the wall and wheezed, "Fuck that's cold!" To quote the great Laguna Loire, it was colder than a Trabian witch's brass well digger.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, once I live down being saved by a chicken." If anyone is keeping score, that was a thank you from the great Almasy. Zell accepted my heartfelt expression of gratitude by flipping me off.

I flashed Squall a reassuring smile, and tried breaking the news gently. "The Torrie's gone."

"Fuck the car," Squall snapped.

I knew he'd be pissed, but when I really looked at him, I could tell I had it all wrong.

"I thought _you_ were gone." He shook his head and added in his usual tone, "I saw it go by. With the remains of Zell's truck."

"Shit, we're trapped for sure, now." Zell looked around. "And is the water going into the house or coming out?"

Squall shooed us inside, out of the rain, at least. Shiva protected Squall from most cold damage and Helios was warming me up again, but Zell was in danger of hypothermia. I grabbed a decorative granny square blanket off the back of one of the chairs and threw it over Zell's head, wishing I had a warming spell. He growled, and I shrugged. "It matches your outfit."

The blanket was wool, so it sucked as a towel but was warm even wet, so Zell tied it around his neck like a superhero cape. Meanwhile, Squall and I were trying to shut the front door, a mostly futile but instinctive gesture. Zell finally lent a hand; it took all three of us against the pressure of the flood. Already the water was about ankle deep in the front room.

Light flashed in the kitchen; it was Quistis, who in typical SeeD fashion had pulled on the minimum necessary clothing, secured her whip, and gone to check supplies. She was holding the night watchman's light for Irvine while he dumped bottled water and soft drinks into a makeshift carry crafted from a bed sheet or tablecloth. They were both calm despite the water splashing in around the tree limb jutting through the high kitchen window. I noticed Irv had his gun was on his back, carefully wrapped to keep it dry.

"May as well take the damn fruitcake," I called to them resignedly. "The container is waterproof and it has nuts and dried fruit, lots of energy." That shit is indestructible.

"Tastes like ass, though," Zell said. It always shocks me when we agree on things.

Squall mentioned, "Can't be worse than rations." He looked around, frowning, as the house groaned. "Give us some light, Seifer."

I nodded and powered up again, only to lose it when Selphie started screaming for Irvine. I ran down the hall after him, sloshing through water that seemed to be getting deeper by the second, crashing into decorations and furniture I couldn't see.

It took both of us to get the door to the master bedroom open and the water that rushed out took Irvine off his feet. He crashed back into Zell, who braced against the walls like living dam until they could both walk again. A light stick floated past us, it looked like Selphie had dropped her light source. I forged ahead, bringing up yet another _Flara_.

The farmhouse was on a kind of a hill, and the master bedroom was along the back, with it's own patio. The water was pressing in anywhere it could, and the glass doors hadn't been able to hold up against it. A veritable river was pouring in around the shattered remains. Selphie was standing in Trabian's crib, holding him to her chest. Even up that high, the water was to her knees.

"Holy halfassed Hyne!"

"Seifer, Irvy, you guys are the tallest, you have to hold him! I can't..." I'd never seen Selphie near tears before.

Irvine waded up and held out his arms. "You sit on my shoulders, Darlin, we'll be ok."

Except we wouldn't, Irvine could barely keep his balance as was. At least the ceilings in the old farmhouse were nice and high, so Selphie wouldn't brain herself on the beams.

Zell followed my gaze up, just as Squall and Quis appeared. They'd stayed behind to grab the supplies; it had taken both of them to navigate the heavy bundle down the hall.

"Where is the attic access?" Squall asked.

Zell hoisted himself up to the top of a highboy dresser. "Right here, Baby," he said, and punched upwards, breaking through the ceiling to the rafters above. A few more punches and kicks and there was a hole large enough for us to scramble through. Selphie handed Trabian to me and went first; as the lightest and smallest it made sense to have her scout. Zell got the flashlight from Quistis and tossed it up to her.

"Lots of big hairy spiders," Selphie called back. "But it's dry and I don't see any rats, and the beams feel ok. Come on up!"

We handed Trabian up, then Squall went next. He was strong enough to lever the pack up there, and then pull Quistis after him. Zell crouched on the highboy and held out a hand to boost Irvine up.

"It's not that I'm afraid of spiders, exactly..." Irvine drawled.

"But you hate them a lot." In a burst of comradely feeling I added, "I feel the same way about rats."

"Baby," Zell put in. "Seifer and I have already been swimming with friends tonight. We can't tred water while you think it over. C'mon."

Zell had a good point; the water was midchest on me and rising. Irvine took a deep breath and climbed up. I hauled myself into the attic last, after Zell.


	7. Chapter 7

**Home for the Holidays**

**Chapter 7**

_For Darksquall. _

_All Characters borrowed without permission from SquareSoft will be returned, only slightly traumatized, upon request. Written for love, not profit._

'_Hero' Universe. Hints of Yaoi, much cursing, violence, angst and a cliffhanger. Sorry._

_*_

There wasn't a lot of headroom due to the sloping roof trusses, but we were all out of the water for the moment. There were some decrepit cardboard boxes, several inches of dust, and 10th generation giant cobwebs. Irvine hunched on a beam, trying not to touch anything. I spotted some rat droppings and felt pretty much the same way.

We were a sorry mix: I had jeans and boots and a soggy medikit over my totally soaked pj's; Squall managed his leather pants and jacket but no shirt; Quistis had simply tied her slinky nightie and robe into a knot and traded her mules for boots. I did notice the glow of her whip at her hip. Irvine and Selphie were sharing a set of festive green pajamas; he had bottoms, boots, and rifle, she had tops, boots and baby. The only one of us fully dressed was Zell, but then he'd said he'd been going out to the truck for something. Probably some secret Yule King surprise he cooked up.

"Status?" Squall asked, taking command again.

I figured I might as well go first. "We're not moving around anymore and hypothermia is a real danger, since most everyone's soaked to the skin."

"Tray and I are ok, but Irvy doesn't do spiders."

"Worried about the water forcing out a wall under us," Zell put in. "We might be better off outside, on top."

"It's still raining, it will make the risk of hypothermia worse." I protested.

"Yeah, but we could get trapped in here if the load bearing walls go or the roof caves in."

Squall said softly, "Quis?"

She said, her voice slightly strained, "I'm not very good in small dark enclosed spaces."

I took the hint and added my light spell to the ambiance. It made the spider webs glitter some, which in turn had Irvine huddling closer to Selphie.

"What was the roof made of?" Squall asked, looking around.

"Clay tile, I think," Irvine offered, trying to distract himself. "Seemed like it was reddish."

"Fireproof, at least. All right, if you can reach a box, see if there is anything in it we can use - to keep warm or to burn." Squall eyed the roof over us. "I can cut our way out with Lionheart, and we can move up there and use _Fira_ to light a fire, as long as we keep it under control."

"As the more or less resident expert on Health, Safety, and Welfare, I should point out that a fire might not be our best bet. We were all eating Irv's chili last night."

Deadpan, Squall replied, "Seifer is in charge of telling us how far to move back if the flames turn blue."

"That's my job," Selphie corrected. "Demolitions, remember? Anyway, I'm the most used to Irvy's chili effects."

"You all stop malignin' my cooking. That was good stuff," Irving protested. "Other than being mild as milk."

"It was delicious," Quistis said longingly.

"Yeah, I wish I had some right now. I'd pour it over my feet." Irvine took a faux swipe at me and I laughed.

Zell and Selphie were up for snooping, so Daddy Irvine was back cuddling Trabian and trying not to get him wet. Quistis held the light for them while I tried to feel Squall up in the name of medical science. I knew he was probably having leg spasms and was too stubborn to admit it, but he slapped me away with an annoyed snort. I guess it did look kind of funny, if anyone was watching. In case they were, I offered him my best leer and got an eyeroll in return.

Taking the hint, I let him go and poked through the medikit. All the meds and most of the potions were history - broken or contaminated. The emergency blankets, splints and some of the sealed bandages looked ok. I resealed the kit and hoped I just wouldn't need any of it.

"Mostly weird old crap," Zell grumbled, echoing my own thoughts. He clarified, "chipped dishes, some appliances from when General Sephiroth last roamed."

"I think these are curtains." Selphie held up some ghastly looking panels in light brown, with abstract blobs of red and orange on them.

"What did they do, decorate in early splatter movie?" Then ones packed in the middle of the box weren't too dusty, though, and they looked like they might be lined and therefore at least offer some warmth.

Irvine laughed a little. "I can see why they hid those in the attic, too afraid to throw them out - someone might trace the ugly things back to them."

"I think my foster parents had curtains like this," Quistis mused. "Only theirs were aqua and olive green and chartreuse."

"What were they for, to frighten away door to door salesmen?" Irvine bounced Trabian a little.

Squall glanced over. "We can dump the things out and burn the boxes, but it won't give the _Fira_ much fuel. Maybe enough to warm the tiles, some."

"That's all we'd need, if those curtains are at all waterproof. I have two of those foil emergency blankets in the 'kit, we can make a lean to and all huddle together." And should, Zell and Quistis were both visibly shivering.

The only other useful things we found were in a box of old baby clothes. Trabian gained several layers and a small mint green blanket; there was a child's sweater that Selphie squeezed into as well.

We used the rest of the clothes to dry off a little, then each took a panel of the fuckugly curtains. They were heavy and insulated with rubber, which flaked and smelled like an old wino's feet, but that made them slightly waterproof and definitely better than nothing.

The house was shaking and water was seeping in near the eaves. Squall crawled around the trusses, looking for a place to cut that wouldn't bring several hundred pounds of tiles down on his head. He and Zell conferred, then Lionheart flashed blue. Squall pushed a small section of the roof out of the way, letting it fall to the side. The rain that came in had slowed to a gentle drizzle.

The activity of moving our meager supplies up onto the peaked roof warmed us some. Personally, I was aching all over from the cold and exertion, and I suspected the Yule King had blessed me with a black eye, but since I knew the others were miserable, too, I refrained from voicing my displeasure.

We discovered tiles are damn slippery and uncomfortable things to try and cling to; it took some serious organizing and a few extra rubber lined curtain panels to even get remotely comfortable. Finally Irvine and I braced ourselves against the support bars and had the others cuddle around us. Selphie used one of Squall's belts to help secure Trabian to her chest, making a snug sack out of the blanket. I handed out the foil blankets and Squall cast _Fira _on the cardboard, which at least cheered us up a little.

Wearily, Quistis asked, "Anyone know what time it is?"

"About 2, 3 am," Irvine guessed. "It was a little after midnight when Zell woke us up."

"Oh, Happy Birthday, Seifer!" Selphie chirped.

"Yeah, thanks for everything. You shouldn't have. Really."

"Too bad all your loot is underwater." Zell didn't sound too sympathetic.

"Next year, get me something that floats."

"Next year," Squall said firmly, "We'll celebrate at Laguna's Palace and have room service."

"Mmm, that sounds wonderful." Quistis added quickly, for Selphie's benefit, "Not that I wasn't having fun, ah, before..."

"Actually, until the water started rising, this was the best damn birthday I remember." Because I was asleep with Squall in our snug, warm bed. "The Yule thing, I liked that a lot."

"I knew you would. It took a few years to get Squall to loosen up, but he always enjoyed it, too." Selphie flashed a smug grin.

That's right, all those years I'd been in Deling City working as a paramedic, hanging with Fuu and Rai or eating dinner with my boss, Squall had been celebrating with the gang. No wonder he was up on all those 'Yule things'. I turned that over in my mind, trying to see if I was jealous. I finally decided I was more relieved, that Squall had some back up, and that he hadn't been totally alone. I knew Zell had tried looking after him, but Squall wasn't the most socially apt person without me there to translate.

"Thanks, guys," I said, and meant it.

"I'm bummed about your gift, Quis," Zell said. "I really wanted to watch you open it."

"I'm sure it was lovely. Did you make it yourself?"

"Hey," Irvine interrupted with a chuckle. "Now is not the time to be overly truthful. Tell her it was a set of 5 caret sapphire earrings to match her eyes."

"That's what you said you got me!" Selphie scolded.

"No, Darlin', yours were emeralds."

"Just so you all feel like shit, Squall and I had the perfect gifts for you."

"Oh, us too," Selphie said sadly. "All the 'Weapons' Monthly' on disk."

Qusitis gasped, "That's what we bought!"

Squall and I exchanged looks and I cracked up.

Zell asked, "Did yours come with the Triple Triad cards?"

Selphie shook her head. "A mod kit and 2 lost issues."

"Well," I said, still laughing, "Were they at least gold plated?"

"With diamond encrusted borders?" Squall put in drily.

"Hells yes, only the best for you all." Irvine nodded. "Even came with a snooty butler to switch disks for you."

Zell peered over the edge of the roof. "Wow, hope the poor bastard could swim."

"He must have been pretty cramped, crammed into the box," I added.

"Quiet," Squall hissed suddenly, cocking his head. He always did hear in about the same range as dogs; one of the reasons he and Zell hadn't gotten along so much in the cadet days was Squall never could tolerate a lot of noise. He pulled Lionheart and slid down the slope of the roof a few feet.

A huge clawed paw came out of the water, scrabbling at the only dry spot for miles. Tiles fractured under the pressure and the monster bellowed its frustration. Squall paused, poised to strike, but the current dragged the creature away.

"Hexadragon," he confirmed, answering our unspoken questions. And here I'd been worrying about _rats_.

"Shit, I never even thought about the monsters. They'll be swarming any dry spot they can find!" Zell got to his feet, trying to peer out into the darkness.

"Which would include the village." Quis added, concerned.

"Who's junctioned?" Squall asked quietly.

"Don't use GFs at G-Garden, you know that." Irvine never had liked using magic much.

"I'm still on admin, maternity leave," Selphie added.

"You know we're not allowed to take the GFs from storage unless we're on a mission," Quistis reminded Squall in her best tutoring tone.

Zell grinned. "I have Quez." At Quistis' disapproving gasp, he shrugged. "You know Squall has Shiva. They weren't Garden property anyway, they both belonged to Squall personally."

"I have one, Helios," I said. "But you know," I gestured to the medical symbol hanging around my neck, next to Griever. "no attack spells, only healing and defense."

"Then for the love of Hyne cast an Esuana, this hangover is killing me," Irvine moaned. Quist mmm'd an agreement.

Come to think on it, I had been hitting the nog pretty hard a few hours ago as well. I raised my hand, but Zell beat me to it, and the green sparkles lit the night. Trabian made an ooing noise, distracted from whimpering into his momma's neck.

"Oh, you like magic? I can do a light show that will knock your socks off."

Squall was taking all his ammo out of his hyperjunction, even emptying the chambers in Lionheart, and passing the bullets to Irvine. "Go ahead and throw one of your flare spells, Seifer, let's see the lay of the land."

I cast the _Flaraga,_ letting it light up the sky, leaving us all blinking in the brilliant noon day sunlight.

We were alone in a sea of churning brown water. Occasionally we saw the remains of a tree sluice by, and farther out, animals and monsters swimming for their lives. I scanned for anything human, honestly hoping I wouldn't see anyone - that no one but us was caught in this mess.

A chocobo warked pathetically, and Zell, the big softie, cast _Float_ on it. Once free of the water, it ran straight for us, shooting up one side of the peaked roof and looking like it was planning to head down the other and vanish into the night. Irvine whistled sharply and the chocobo broke its stride, tipping its head at him curiously. Irvine worked his way over, forcing the rest of us to rearrange our nest some, crooning soothingly at the bird. It was bloody, soaked, and exhausted, and probably glad to see a friendly human; it didn't take long for Irvine to get his hand on the chocobo's scruff, and lead it over to hunker by the chimney near us as the last of the light faded.

"Domestic," Irvine confirmed. "Come sun up, hit her with a couple more _Floats_ and I'll ride her into town for help." He threw a spare curtain panel over the bird.

"Good job," Squall said, already sounding stuffed up. He sneezed several times; he always was allergic to feathers. I pulled him into my lap and rubbed his legs as a distraction, making squirm irritably. Or maybe appreciatively, parts of me were certainly appreciative of his pert ass rubbing on them.

"How many _Floats_ do you have?" Quistis asked Zell softly.

"About 30."

"I have a full stack," Squall volunteered. "Fuujin stocked me up when I saw her last."

"Worst case, then, you can pass some to Seifer and you can all three chain cast to keep us out of the water." She wrung out some water from her robe.

"Is bobbing along like a balloon an improvement?" Zell wondered.

Selphie and Irvine were talking quietly to Trabian, in that weird instructional tone parents get. "See the chocobo, Traytray? Isn't she pretty? Chock-ah-bowww."

"I don't think swimming is our worst case," Squall said quietly, still looking out into the darkness.

"It is for Trabian and Selphie," I pointed out for his ears only. "No way a baby that small will survive this cold water. Frankly, the only ones of us with any insulation at all are the girls, and they don't have much." Ok, I was a bit softer than I had been as a kid, but I still worked out and was fairly toned. Not to the point of the active SeeDs, of course, but still. "We're a skinny bunch."

"I'm hearing things," Squall said simply.

He didn't mean in the delusional sense. I looked fruitlessly out into the dark. "You want another _Flaraga_?"

"No, no one here has _Encounter None_." And the light would attract the monsters, he meant.

"Technically, my oath to Harm None doesn't include Lunar Cry monsters." It didn't even really include animals, a good thing since I was pretty fond of steak.

Squall nodded once and pulled Lionheart, the blade's blue light making him the only visible target. "Incoming!"

I caught the faint evil cackle of Malboro. Cursing, I moved back, casting _Protect_ on Selphie and Trabian. Zell skated down the tiles past me, the silvery blue of _Thundaga_ forming in his fist. The skittering red dot of Irvine's scope moved across the water, settling on a large mass of tentacles agitating foam in the water, while Quistis unfurled her whip and moved off to the side. She wasn't junctioned and would have to take several hits to blow her limit break; I decided to concentrate my healing on Squall, who was, after all, our most powerful fighter. It had nothing to do with our relationship. Really. I was more afraid _Renzukuken _would collapse the roof.

The Mals started with their usual _Bad Breath_ attacks, which were easily countered by my healing and protective spells. Squall and Zell found a rhythm, helped out occasionally with a wicked flick of Quistis' whip. Irvine was wisely saving his ammo and playing backup, ready to shoot anything that got past them. Nothing did, but just in case, Selphie was curled up small, shielding Trabian with her body.

I thought we'd finished the last of the monsters when a flock of Gayla burst out of the water. One snatched up a weakened Malboro; another dive-bombed for us. Irvine threw himself over Selphie while I ducked, dragging Quistis down with me. The Gayla wasn't after us, it wanted that juicy and bleeding chocobo and the poor critter never had a chance.

Lionheart spat blue sparks and sliced a Gayla up the middle while Zell did one of his lethal spin kicks. Squall caught him just before the momentum and slick, wet tiles could send him into the drink.

Not the slightest discouraged by the loss of their fellows, more Gayla broke water and fanned over us. Zell pitched _Tornado _and cleared off a bunch of them, but they just kept coming. It was too dark for the hypnotize and head but routine, but the evil bastards have more than one way to inflict pain and loathing. The handbooks call the Gayla's attack "Gastric Juice", but what that really means is the damn things basically puke all over you, spraying stomach acid and some semi-digested bits of whatever they ate last. The smell alone can knock you off your feet.

That shit burns, too, and it hurts like a bitch, in addition to all sorts of lovely status effects. I gagged and cast _Esuna_ on Quistis first, since she had no GF boosting her, she was the most vulnerable of our fighters. Squall, bless him, hit me with a _Triple_, enabling me to speed up the healing spells.

"Someone hit us with _Water_ and get this crap off us!"

"Can't target friends," Quistis explained tersely, dispatching a Wendigo that was trying to crawl up onto the roof.

_I_ could, due to my old Boss status, if people didn't get too picky; but I didn't have any _Water _spells. I should have known there'd be drawbacks to this good guy shtick.

The night lit up with the flashes of spell effects, which sadly just attracted more critters. I kicked myself for not pesteringSquall more to find out how he suppressed the visual on the _Sleep_ spell. It was crazy; the monsters moaning or roaring and little Trabian cooing with delight at the pretty colors and sparkles. Squall fed a hexdragon to Shiva with _Devour;_ I was busy throwing _Esunas_ and _Curagas, _hoping we could win by attrition.

A shot from Irvine split the night. I fell back to cover Selphie, trying to figure out where a monster got by our frontmen. It was Zell, who was down on one knee and breathing funny. I slid over to him in the muck, throwing _Scan_. "Did you take a hit?"

He didn't answer, struggling for air, but the _Scan_ told me Zell had done more than just take a hit, his health was dangerously low and dropping. I threw a _Curaga_, followed by an _Esuna_, and another _Scan_, pleased to see the levels bounce back up.

And plummet again. "Shit."

Quistis moved back to cover us as I hauled Zell further up the roof to where Selphie and Trabian were. Zell grabbed Quistis's hand and she shivered; I could see the hyperjunction from Quez pass to her. Zell fell back with a gurgle, and his health fell to near zero. "Hyne fuck, how much health boost was he getting from his GF's?"

Irvine took Zell's place while Quis organized Quez and the spells in her head. Zell must have dumped everything he had on her, and I tried not to think about his reasoning. Selphie, meanwhile, was digging through the medikit and came up with a lightstick and one of our only surviving Remedys, which she administered while I searched Zell for wounds or clues.

I knew what was wrong, I was just hoping for evidence to the contrary. Zell was going into anaphylactic shock, probably from an extreme allergic reaction to something the Gayla had puked over us. "Selphie, cover Tray and the 'kit. Squall! Hit me with _Water_, Zell is going to die if we don't get this crap washed off him."

Unusually obedient, Squall spun and targeted me as an enemy, dousing me with the _Water_ spell. It splashed over onto Zell and Selphie and the baby, of course, but I was the only one who took damage, and even the blast from the spell was countered by the joy of getting that Gayla barf off my person. Or it was until I remembered that as a primarily fire mage, I took extra licks from water and ice damage. Dammit.

Still, I was in a lot better shape than Zell. The Remedy did dick all; I tried another _Esuna_. The spell helped a little but not enough; alternating with _Curaga_ seemed to keep Zell right on the edge of death, but I couldn't gain any ground and I couldn't stop casting to do anything else. Selphie used up half our potions until I managed to get a second to stop her - they weren't doing any good. She shrugged and dumped the last one on me.

Another _Esuna_ followed mine, I glanced up to see Squall kneeling beside us in the fading sparkles of the spell effects. Quistis and Irvine were standing watch - for the moment it seemed they'd killed or discouraged all the nearby monsters. I let Squall take over casting while Selphie and I pawed through the medikit.

One thing I've learned, magic can't fix every ill. For allergic reactions like this you need epinephrine and dammit, we didn't have any. I looked at the crushed vials and cursed colorfully. An Exlir might have done it - but we didn't have any of those, either.

"_Dispel_?" Selphie suggested quietly.

"No good, it's for magically induced physical effects like _Slow_."

"Take over," Squall ordered. I resumed the _Esuna/Curaga_ casting, and he leaned over and passed me some _Triples_ and a couple _Regens_. He cast another _Triple_ on me and the rapid casting that followed gave us our first breather. I shuffled in the new spells and cast _Triple_ on Squall, just so he could pump spells into Zell three times as fast, too. Between us we got Zell up enough to have time to throw the longer and more complicated _Regen. _

Panting from all the casting, I fell back and let Selphie and Irvine move Zell into a more secured position. His breath was whistling in his throat and his heartbeat was erratic, but he was alive for the time being.

I realized it was light enough I could see the questioning look Squall flashed at me. False dawn was breaking; the sun would rise soon. The rain had stopped, and the water seemed to have peaked, but we were still stuck on a rooftop with none of the advanced medical equipment I needed to save Zell's life. All Squall and I were really doing was prolonging the inevitable. I shook my head and he nodded once, turning to scan the horizon.

"We could try another distress flare, " Quistis said quietly. "It can't make too much difference, now."

I passed some of the light spells to her, wanting to keep myself primed for healing. At Squall's nod she launched them into the sky, one, two, three, and they broke and dazzled us all. The scene revealed wasn't any improvement from the night before.

Irvine broke into our supplies and passed around breakfast - fruitcake and cola. I made faces but ate it; Selphie actually bounced a little and made happy noises, proving she's as crazy as Laguna. Quistis dropped down beside us, sitting so she, Squall, and Irvine were all facing different directions. I sat with my hand on Zell's throat, monitoring his pulse and breathing, and bolstering the _Regen_ with lesser heals until it ran out. Then Squall or I would recast the _Regen_ and start over. _Scan_ told me it was a losing battle; frankly, neither Squall nor I had a full stack of _Regen_s in the first place and we were bound to run out sooner or later.

The dawn broke, viciously cold and clear, and the sky turned pink and orange with the promise of the new day. Selphie busied herself tending Trabian as best she could; he was understandably unhappy, and she tried singing to sooth him. Quistis picked up the song, an old carol, and soon we were all singing all the Yule songs we could remember. I wrapped Zell in one of the emergency blankets, settling him against my chest, and sang along as I felt his pulse flutter and fade.


	8. Chapter 8

**Home for the Holidays**

**Chapter 8**

_For Darksquall. _

_All Characters borrowed without permission from SquareSoft will be returned, only slightly traumatized, upon request. Written for love, not profit._

'_Hero' Universe. Hints of Yaoi, angst, foul language, fruitcake and finally, a happy ending. _

_*_

I never lost a patient yet, and I wasn't about to start with a guy I'd more or less grown up with. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to pack a miracle in my ass, what with the flying monkeys and the sun shining out of it and all. All I needed was a Hynebedamned Epinephrine shot, something I would make damn sure Zell had on him at all times in the future.

Quistis moved over closer, singing a carol that I suspected was Zell's favorite, and took his hand. He was nonresponsive; I was fumbling for something to say but the set of her shoulders told me Quis had already cast _Scan_ and knew the score.

"Did Zell know about this allergy? You think he might have something in his gear?" With the sun coming up and better light, one of us could try diving for it. And pray the damn thing wasn't contaminated.

Squall shook his head. "I would know if he did; he'd have to tell me. Allergic reactions like this can come on suddenly, can't they?"

"Yeah, what happens is you get one free pass, then the next time, boom. And Hyne knows what it was, Gayla will eat anything."

Irvine stood up suddenly. "I saw something flash."

"Sing louder," Selphie commanded. "Voices carry and it will tell a person we are friendly and not give away much to a monster." She started a more rollicking song and we all joined in as best we could.

"There." Irvine pointed. "An aluminum boat, I think."

Squall stood as well, waving his arms, and we all saw a figure in a small fishing boat wave back.

Maybe there were some miracles left.

When he was close enough, the boatman shouted over, "Brung hot coffee and dry blankets!"

I thought Squall was going to jump into the water and swim out to meet him. Instead, he called back, "We have injured; can you get help?"

The boatman maneuvered close enough for Quistis to hook the bowline cleat with her whip and steady him. "Was getting the livestock moved to safety and heard singing. Iria, that's the wife, said 'what about them kids what took the old Appleberry place?' Nothing would do but I come look." He was an older man, but broad and healthy, not even out of breath from rowing Hyne knows how long. He handed up the coffee, which Squall gratefully accepted.

"Is there anyplace near by we can get medical aid?" I cast another _Regen_ on Zell and prayed the local hospital wasn't underwater, too. "Even a pharmacy?"

"Doc Barnes' place's on high ground, can take you to the clinic. Not all of you, won't fit."

"Seifer, you go with Zell." That was a given, really, but Squall was in Command Mode. "Selphie, you and Trabian, too."

The old man nodded, approving, and I slipped down the tiles into the little boat, trying to decide how best to balance the load. He and I shifted around some before Quistis and Squall lowered Zell down to me while Irvine stood watch.

Selphie, however, had other ideas. "Hey, Irvy is Trabian's parent, too! And women can take cold water better than men."

"But Darlin', you are the only one who can feed him."

Selphie shut her mouth with a snap, something I'd personally never seen before, and she clambered down into the boat. The old man was visibly upset over Trabian, and kept murmuring, "Wish'd brought them life vests."

"Just getting us to the clinic is more than enough. We'll be ok." I hoped. Squall knelt down and held out his hand. I took it, wondering about a formal handshake, but he passed me the rest of his _Regens_ and a few _Floats_ as a safeguard. Our eyes met and I nodded.

We didn't need words, anyway.

The old man rowed us away and I looked back at our lovers, standing on the remains of the roof in the bright morning sun. Squall, dark and slim and as dangerous as a water moccasin; Irvine in pajama bottoms and a blanket, rifle in hand and the light turning his hair to copper and red; Quistis, dignified and calm in the remains of a peach colored peignoir set, coiling up her whip.

Reading my mind, Selphie said, "They'll be ok, too."

"Yeah." All they had to do was wait a couple more hours until we could send another boat back.

Balanced in the bow, Selphie started chatting with our savior. His name was Gnos, and he was philosophic about the floods. "Always get a bumper crop year after flood. Mebbe not what got planted, mind, but bumper crop none the less."

She laughed and introduced all of us. Gnos had grandchildren and he and Selphie bonded over baby talk.

Meanwhile, I was having to pump the _Curas_ and _Esunas_ into Zell faster after each _Regen_. _Cure_ was no longer working at all; and I only had so many _Curagas_. I tried another _Regen_, and didn't like the results.

"Seifer," Selphie said sharply. She rarely called me by my proper name, so I knew something was up. Selphie pointed and I saw something crest up and then dive back underwater. The sunlight wouldn't scare off all the monsters, the ones that could would be taking advantage of the murky waters and the easy prey. Like us; neither Selphie nor I were armed, and I didn't think Old Gnos was packing.

"Weren't so bad coming over," he mused.

"They are attracted by magic," Selphie said tersely.

Dammit. They were. It wasn't just the sparkles that had caused the waves of attacks last night; it was the ambient feel of the magic itself. Up on the roof, I was far enough away that most the monsters couldn't reach us - and the ones that tried couldn't get past Squall, Quistis, and Irvine. Now we were practically sitting in the monsters' laps. I looked down at Zell, noting the bluish tinge, and threw another _Cura_ without thinking.

There were more flashes in the water this time. There was a rumble, like hard edged thunder, but below the waterline. And not nearly far _enough_ below the waterline. Something bumped the flat bottom of the boat.

"Seifer, _don't_!"

Selphie was holding Trabian tightly, and her eyes were wild. We both knew magic was all that was keeping Zell alive and we both knew if a monster swamped the boat, Zell and Trabian were both goners. Not that the old man had much of a chance in the frigid water, and I knew Selphie would kill herself to save her son.

"I have Down," she lied, trying to make the decision easier. Her voice was pleading.

Magic doesn't fix everything, and if we were close enough and this Doc Barnes had the right equipment...

"Count for me," I said, tipping Zell's head back and taking a deep breath before starting artificial respiration.

Gnos rowed on.

"Epinephrine!" I shouted and praise Hyne, someone slapped a syringe in my hand. I gave Zell the injection, followed by _Scan_ and another _Regen_ for luck_. _His stats were climbing slowly, and his blood pressure was shot all to hell, but the improvement held.

Zell was going to live.

I sagged back, grinning at Selphie, who bounced, laughing. She threw her arms around Gnos and hugged him, earning an indignant squeak from Trabian.

I turned to Doc Barnes to give him the history. "Patient is a 23 year old highly athletic male who was exposed to an unknown allergen approximately 5 hours ago and went into anaphylaxis-"

"You kept him alive for 5 hours? I'm impressed, Doctor." Doc Barnes checked Zell's eyes with a penlight.

"I'm not a doctor, yet. But I am a licensed EMT." I looked around the examination room, noticing for the first time that the table was stainless steel and the posters were of... sheep.

He followed my gaze and smiled. "I'm a veterinarian. My specialty is agricultural animals."

"Great, just what we need for a chicken."

"Hey!" Zell protested weakly. I nearly hugged him. Fortunately, Selphie beat me to it.

*

"We are pretty much the only emergency medical care available," Barnes told me as we settled Zell on a cot and hooked him up to a jury-rigged IV.

"And neither of us licensed to practice medicine on humans."

"You are."

"In emergency, life or death situations, yeah." He gave me a knowing look and I sighed. "Ok, point. What do you guys normally do?" I tucked a blanket around Zell - it was tulip quilt Gnos' wife Iria had made out of frighteningly brightly colored fabrics.

"Take the train to Greenfield or drive into the City."

"Which we cannot do. Ok, so we'll need to set up Triage and secure a space and a clean water source. Who's in charge around here, anyway?"

"I am." Selphie said matter of factly. She finished tucking Trabian, freshly washed and diapered, into a quilted carry, and dimpled at the surprised looks she got from Gnos and Barnes. "This is a SeeD operation now, and I'm the Acting Commander." She had that scary organizational gleam in her eye, too. "Seifie, make me a list of what you and the Doc need and we'll scout it up for you. Mr. Gnos, lets go see if the Station Master has any communications with Esthar."

"Don't forget to fetch the others," I called after her. She dismissed us with a wave, still talking to poor old Gnos as she marched off.

*

The town had no power and the relay station to Esthar was down, leaving us with no communications, either. Most of the water was from local wells; I issued orders that all water was assumed contaminated until proved otherwise and to boil pretty much everything.

The weather had cleared, which helped with the flooding but not the overall danger, as the temperature was dropping fast and would be well below freezing come nightfall. The water had receded from most of the town, but left masses of slippery, stinking, rapidly freezing mud. I struggled up the road towards the pub, hoping the landlord had enough high-octane fare that he could spare some for germ killing purposes. And maybe some small alcohol lamps. My major and immediate goal was not to fall face first into the muck and smother. It would be an embarrassing way to go.

Someone, probably Selphie, had tied a series of guide ropes along the streets, connecting pillars and posts. I wasn't the only one who was clinging to them, making his way slowly, hand over hand. We were passed by a kid wearing mop buckets for boots, who was being happily hauled up the road by an enormous muddy dog.

Now I knew how Selphie was getting around town so fast.

I told myself that Squall and the others were tough, but I liked their odds less and less. When Gnos returned for them to 'the old Appleberry place' no one was there. Out loud we reassured each other Squall, Quistis, and Irvine had probably been rescued by someone else and inside we feared they'd succumbed to a monster. Not that I believed that, really. There would be hellacious carnage, first. My fear wasn't of monsters taking them out but exposure, exhaustion, dehydration, infection and disease. Of all the natural disasters, floods are the nastiest - nothing goes away.

The local elementary school had a working generator. Selphie stole fuel cells from half the cars in town to power it up, claiming the cars would be worthless now anyway. Doc and I set up in the multipurpose room, laying out gym mats and blankets as hospital beds. Zell was conscious but still very weak; we put him in charge of recording everyone's names and pertinent details so we could work out some sort of census.

People trickled in all day, and the later it got, the worse off they were. Shock and exposure mostly, some broken bones and contusions, water inhalation, but some folk had clearly had run ins with Lunar Cry monsters and were damn lucky to be alive. More and more monsters were coming down from the north, attracted by the stranded and drowned livestock, and most were willing to vary their diets by attacking humans.

Doc and I were working on a guy whose right leg was gone from the knee down. Since I'd been training in a more civilized place, Doc had more experience with amputations than I did, and I let him do the tricky stuff on this one. Also, I was supplying the guy's blood, as the only readily available type O. The patient was conscious, too shocky to feel the pain or even the painkillers we tried on him as we packed and wrapped the wound.

"And then, an blue angel appeared and the sky filled with diamonds..."

Doc murmured "Delirious."

"Shiva," I corrected, laughing a little with relief. Doc made me lie down and drink some tepid orange flavored kids' drink, thinking I was getting giddy from blood loss, which was surely a factor in why my knees went weak. Now I knew for sure Squall was still actively fighting monsters, and it stood to reason Quistis and Irvine were with him.

All I really needed was to know where the hells they were.

Selphie quelled a minor riot and run on the general store by confiscating everything for SeeD use. Her theory being idle hands were the most likely to cause trouble, she more or less drafted every man, woman and child in town as unofficial SeeD support units. Clubs of little old ladies descended and took over the school cafeteria kitchen and soon were brewing up masses of heavenly smelling soups and casseroles. Selphie put kids to work minding smaller kids, and all of them in charge of decorating - it was still Yule, after all. The Multipurpose room sprouted paper garlands, lovingly crayoned pictures of classic Yuletide themes, and a huge paper cut out of a Trabian style tree, loaded with hand made ornaments stapled to it. People who managed to stay high and dry brought what they could spare: blankets and bottled water, spare fuel cells and warm clothes, coffee and cookies and a depressing amount of fruitcake. Many stayed to help tend the sick and injured or just hang out in the warmth, caught up in Selphie's magical enthusiasm.

We posted maps of the area and worked out with volunteers a systematic check so we could make sure everyone was more or less accounted for. Our real problems were only beginning - the cold would delay the decay, but there were still a hell of a lot of dead cattle, sheep, and other animals bobbing about in what was pretty much our drinking water. Not to mention the outhouses and other sewer lines were all flooded and adding to the misery. I fell asleep going over Doc Barnes' inventory and dreamed of being ensnared by lists of the diseases I wished I had vaccines available for.

Doc Barnes had his regular patients to contend with as well, and his attention and time was split between helping me and trying to do more mundane things like save a man's livelihood by handing out medicines for weird sheep diseases and vaccines for chicabo fever. We spent hours trying to revive and save a splattered box of bemired and frozen kittens – fortunately, once they were cleaned up we had no shortage of volunteers to cuddle the little balls of fluff.

I only had two tucked under my shirt because they were warm. And because Zell was already sleeping with a pile of dogs and puppies. I finally had to banish all four footed patients to the larger classrooms; by the noise levels, most of the mobile kids went with them.

Barnes ran a nice veterinary clinic, but he didn't stock huge amounts of medicines, and a whereas some of what he had, like bandages and antibiotics, could be adapted for use on humans, a lot of his stuff was no damn good to us. We needed blood, typhoid vaccines, and a medical team that knew more than to just throw some curative spells and keep the patient's nose wet.

"Selph, we have to get word out. No telling what condition the neighboring towns are in, either. We need an Estharian disaster team in here."

"Towns can't just vanish so someone knows we lost communications. It will just take a few more days. The water is still too high for a truck and there's no way a chocobo can get through without being attacked. Already I'm having to send someone to ride shotgun with every rescue boat."

We were flopped on the mat beside Zell's pallet. I'd managed to keep him in bed and on the IV this long, but I knew by tomorrow he'd pull the needles and get up whether I sanctioned it or not. Zell was dicking with some parts and small tools someone had brought him, trying to repair a portion of the power grid. We needed that, too - people had started burning more dangerous things for light and heat and we already had 2 cases of near asphyxiation from carbon monoxide.

Selphie had Trabian by her side and was idly playing with his fingers. She was tired and I felt bad about getting on her case over things she couldn't control but Hyne, I was exhausted myself. Barnes and I had found some locals with cool heads and steady hands but even so, between us we couldn't have scored more than 6 hours sleep in the last 48.

"Any word from, you know, the field team?" Zell asked quietly.

Selphie shook her head and tried to smile. "But there are reports of ice storms and lightening flashes. ...I guess Irvy's not so easy to see from a distance."

"They'll be fine," I said with my best I'm-the-doctor-and-we-know-these-things voice. "After all, the only one who can take Squall is in this room."

"You must mean me, because, no offence, Seifer, but right now you look like my Ma could kick your ass."

"Right now I feel like your Ma's _cat_ could kick my ass, but nevertheless, Squall is still one tough bastard. They will be all right."

I must have dozed off, because Zell woke me up an undetermined time later. "Hey, you still have those metallic blankets?"

"Hmm? Yeah, the general store had about 10 in with their camping supplies. Why?"

"I have an idea..."

I woke Selphie up, largely for meaness, and Zell showed us some sketches he'd done on scrap paper while we slept. He had this plan to create a series of photovoltaic units and power the communications grid with solar power. When he was done explaining, I shook my head.

"You are a Hynebedamned genius."

"Why does everyone always look so surprised when they say that? I speak like 4 languages, you know..."

"T-boarder cant is not a language." Selphie snatched up the drawing. "I'll get the parts right away, can you make the integrator thingie?"

Zell held up the mechanical bit he'd been messing with earlier. "Did that."

"Booyaka! You watch Tray, I'll go scavenging."

Some hours later, I was pressed into service to assist Selphie with the wiring. She climbed up my body like a monkey and sat on my shoulders, stretching overhead. "Dangit. Hold still, Seifie." She shifted around until she was kneeling on my shoulders, driving her bony knees into my clavicles.

"Selph... are you wearing any underwear?"

"Don't go all homosexual on me now." She stood up, balancing by leaning heavily on my head and compressing several of my disks.

"I'm just concerned about being shot for seeing things I shouldn't." My voice was slightly muffled by the dagged end of her pajama top, which kept trying to get into my mouth.

Selphie made a scoffing noise. "All the other boys have seen it." Which was true, Zell had been there with Squall when Trabian was born. "Anyway, you are practically a doctor, why would Irvy shoot you for peeking?"

"Who said anything about Irvine? I'm worrying about _Squall_."

"If he were here, I'd be so glad to see him I'd let him shoot you." Zell said, chuckling. "Wait, I'd do that anyway." He bounced out of swatting range, just in case, then circled back, watching Selphie like a magpie. "...You want me to wire that in for you?"

"No, you aren't steady enough on your pins yet," she said.

"And besides, you weigh more," I added.

"I've almost got it." Selphie sounded a little breathless. It probably had nothing to do with me blowing on the insides of her thighs to annoy her.

"Did you make sure to ground the -"

"Zelly, I _do_ know how to wire things! Demolitions, remember?"

"We want this building to still be standing after, though, Selphie." I had to agree with the chicken on that.

Selphie huffed and jumped down off my shoulders. "Ok, now all we do is wait for sunrise and-"

It was my turn to scoff. "Sunrise? We don't need no stinkin' sunrise." I held up my hand, allowing a _Flara_ to form. They grinned at me and we all ambled outside to the photovoltaic array. I warmed up like a pro soft ball pitcher and let the spell fly right into the center.

Then we all ducked, blinded by the flash that split the sky. Light fanned out and frissons of power crawled along the circuits. Lights came on all over town and people cheered.

"If you overloaded my integrator, I'm going to choke you," Zell said grimly.

"You're welcome," I replied, feeling smug.

We were up and live and Selphie was on it like Norg on a gil. She used the SeeD emergency passcodes and was connected directly with Esthar command central. I left her and Zell coordinating SeeD rescue operations and went back to spell Doc Barnes in our makeshift infirmary. And give him the good news: help was on its way at last.

The next day an Estharian dragon ship touched down and who should appear but our very own Yule King, Laguna Loire. The locals were in utter awe that the President himself had come, bringing wonderful and necessary emergency supplies like fresh water, medicines, dry clean clothes and, sadly, a whole lot of fruitcake. He even had toys for the kids.

Doc Barnes and I gladly handed over our patients to Laguna's medical team; I was helping secure them in the dragonship when he pounced on me. Loire and I get along pretty well, but I was still surprised by the hug.

"Squall?" he asked, once he let go so I could breathe again.

No point in beating around the bush. "MIA."

Laguna turned white and said slowly, "They found the Torama about 80 miles down river..."

"Oh, no, we were in the house, we saw it go." Laguna sagged against me and I rubbed his shoulders. He puts on such an act of being a big doof it's easy to forget he's Squall's father. I added confidently, "Squall's off fighting monsters, I'm sure he'll come in once he thinks the civilians are safe." If I said it enough, I could believe it, too.

Laguna was so happy to hear Squall hadn't been with his beloved car, he actually accepted that. "Come back with me, I have personnel who are delighted to step in and take over in situations like this."

I hesitated and he added knowingly, "Squall wouldn't want you to stay here, where you are in danger. He'd want you back in Esthar, where you can get food and rest and a shower."

"Hey," I said, trying to sound offended. "I had a bath just 3 days ago. ...maybe 4. What day is it?" Granted, that had been nearly drowning in our front yard, but a bath is a bath.

He laughed and put his arm around me. "Come on, Son, let's go home."

"Wait." I didn't have Squall's enhanced hearing, but the heavy roar of engines was unmistakable. We turned and saw three ..._things_ zoom into town. I found myself reaching for Hyperion out of shear horror of the creatures. Ok, sure, they could have been people on ATV's, but they were all so encrusted with muck it was hard to tell.

One of the mud monsters stood up, straddling the bike, and wiped his face with an equally muddy sleeve, knocking off enough clay to make a bathtub before revealing a smile I knew well. I pulled away from Laguna, grinning a bit myself. Another of the mudmonsters was trying to shed its skin and made a faintly distressed sound - Irvine, making a grumbling complaint about his vest, his hair, his skin, his hair, the smell, his _hair... _it tapered off when Selphie shouted Booyaka from the dragonship bridge, waving , proving she was the one with a brain, unwrapped a filthy scarf from around her face, her smile blossoming when Zell ran down the stairs to her.

The mudman tribal chief (you could tell, he had the most mud) pushed up his goggles. Stormy silver eyes danced with excitement that I knew his face wouldn't show even if he weren't wearing a 3 inch mask of gooey, sticky ...yuck.

"Seifer," Squall said, "we have got to get one of these for back home."

"You Asshole," I laughed, grabbing him and kissing him, goop and all.

*

_Special thanks to the real Acid Rain, for beta and advice; to KD for laughing at my jokes; to Bitty for worrying about Zell; to missblacknightsky for liking the parking lot scene; to Nivell for thinking the fic was fun; to MochaPlush for smiling and wanting more; to sissyHIYAH for liking one of my favorite lines; to Thien who likes it when Squall and Seifer quibble like an old married couple; and my largely anon reader for a lovely, detailed review. Mostly, thanks to Darksquall for waiting a year to the day for her birthday present. Happy Birthday!_


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